dennis: ON LOAN TO LINDA

My friend, tom, is currently out of town on business leaving his Wife, Linda, without a housekeeper. Linda doesn’t do housework – none of the Women in our group of FLR couples does! Real men – not Women - do housework! These Women need not worry, however – one of the other Women’s husbands can be loaned out to her for the duration.

 

So – i’m on loan to Linda for the two weeks that Her husband is gone. She made arrangements with (my Mother-in-law) Sue to borrow me to do a variety of tasks in tom’s absence. I has all been worked out between Linda and Sue; tom and i had nothing whatever to do with the arrangement – we, as men, can’t make such arrangements.

Every weekday for the next two weeks i’ll report to Linda for two hours a day – longer on weekends – and do a prescribed set of chores to keep things in Her house running smoothly. It goes without saying that i’ll obey Her and do things Her way.

Linda, a Deity in Her own right!

Linda, tom’s Wife is a VERY demanding, in-your-face Woman, in some ways very much like, yet in other ways quite unlike, Nancy. Linda demands obedience, and there is hell to pay if She doesn’t get it. While Nancy and Sue give me some latitude in my work and in addressing the consequences of my mistakes, Linda is always watching closely, ready to give a crisp admonition or a good kick at every turn. She has a demeaning style that creates a tense environment. She strives to tear down the patriarchal male and replace him with a different, more obedient, even effeminate one. She believes that men need this because “men will stray if you don’t tell them exactly what to do.”

Linda despises patriarchy and does Her best to dismantle it, one man at a time! A good example is the names She uses for tom and me. tom is “Tootsie” and i’m “SuziQ.” And each of us better use these names when we’re in Her home, although we’ll both admit to some slip-ups at work. And then theres the service uniform. Linda has initiated many of the wardrobe rules for male housekeepers and these rules continue to evolve. Just like the servants of the Edwardian period, aprons, slippers, and appropriate accessories are mandatory. It’s not enough to do housework; a male has to do housework appropriately attired!

More on Linda

tom and i met Linda at work. She was a very demanding administrative assistant who later became office manager. In fact, Linda created and filled the position of office manager, and no one would dare challenge Her authority. Linda raised hell and created a certain tension, but kept the office running very efficiently. Most of the men in the office steered clear of her, referring to Her as the “office bitch.” It was a title and demeanor that immediately got both tom and me interested. Had i not been engaged to Nancy at that point, tom would have had some competition for Linda’s hand. tom married the demanding Linda. and both have been happy ever since.

Housekeeping for Linda - a privilege for the progressive male

As per Linda’s arrangements with Sue whenever tom is unavailable to fulfill his domestic duties, i show up each day at 4 p.m. for at least two hours of housekeeping. i take my wardrobe, cleaning supplies, and a list of chores that Sue has given me and go straight to Sue’s house. i pull into the driveway, and She opens one of the garages for me to pull in. She will not let me leave until my chores have been completed. I bring a large motif totebag with everything i need to do my chores and to be appropriately dressed.

Linda has mops and brooms, but i’m responsible for cleaning supplies, my feather duster, and miscellaneous items. i’m also responsible for my wardrobe – an apron to be sure, but also slippers and some appropriate accessories that Linda appreciates, earrings, a bangle or two, and something else a “bit girlie” to “take off the masculine edge,” in Linda’s terms, maybe even a headpiece. This may sounds funny, but it is exciting for me to comply with Linda’s rules and it certainly does distance me from any masculinity and instill humility. i feel much better about myself in Linda’s service when i lose any traces of male persona!

So, when i pull into the Linda’s garage, i have five minutes to transform myself from a businessman to housekeeper, from dennis to SuziQ! i shed my business suit, throwing it into the back seat. i pull on shorts, a sleeveless top, and my lace-trimmed, satin apron. i’ve already used the time at traffic lights to put on large hoop earrings – i get strange looks from men in pickup trucks! – and silver rings on all of my fingers, things that I hope Linda will appreciate (tom often wears the same earrings). A few bangles and i’m ready with the exception of having forgotten my slippers! There’s sure to be hell to pay since male shoes and bare feet are forbidden in Linda’s domain. But it’s too late…

Linda has entered the garage. i’m tense since i don’t have slippers, but i greet Her with the expected curtsey – “Good afternoon Madame, i’m here to serve!”

“Good afternoon, SuziQ,” She responds, in a devilish tone, but soon She’s enraged at my having forgetten my slippers. “Is it too damn much for you to bring slippers?” She demands, giving me a swift kick. She disappears into the house to get a substitute, a pair of knee-hi nylons. “Put these on, sissy boi,” She commands, wanting to humiliate me. i put on the beautiful sheer nylons, but they are a treat and not a punishment, although i don’t dare say so. i follow Her into the house to tend to my chores.

There is a long list of things Linda wants done. She’s very aggressive in dealing with me, something that i have come to expect and appreciate. Toilets are first, all of them have to be cleaned; Women despise and disdain cleaning toilets more than any other household chore. Because of this i love cleaning toilets; doing so gives me a real sense of service, and the Women really appreciate my efforts – now that’s service!

Then i move on to the living room. Linda has had guests, and there’s a lot of cleaning to do. Cups to pick up, tables to clean, TV remotes to gather and return, spot cleaning of the carpet because of a spill, romance novels to gather so their owners can find them. Then there’s vacuuming; i have to vacuum the entire house, but i love running the vacuum! Linda follows me as I vacuum, “Faster, faster” She exhorts me!

Then onto the kitchen where i unload the dishwasher and reload it with cups and saucers gathered from about the house. Finally, Linda, like Sue, loves to see my feather duster flying about the house. And it does fly, as i move about the house dusting everything in sight, my lace trimmed satin apron swishing with every move! i’m giving Her what i feel is great service and feeling damn good about it! It is, in our FLR-defined world, the feel of a real man! As for Linda, She’s following me about the house, criticizing my performance and having me do more. For a submissive gentleman, this is a delicious experience! i feel totally divorced from patriarchy – totally fulfilled! – and want more, and i tell Linda that!

She promises more when i return next day. She’d keep me all evening but She has a commitment to Sue to return me for Her chores. Linda escorts me to the garage and into my car. She allows me no time to change – i’m to go home as SuziQ, apron, earrings, bangles, and all.  I’m tremendously excited and fulfilled and look forward to tomorrow.

I leave as SuziQ, looking to repeat two hours of high-energy performance for Sue, waiting at home. It’s what a real man lives for – the opportunity to serve Women!