dennis: A NEW, POSITIVE FLR SPIN FOR AN OLD, SEXIST TERM

dennis,

I wondered if the “bitch” term (in your “Reply TO CHLOË’S COMMENT ON REVEALING FEMALE AUTHORITY”) was used with anyone present who was not in the lifestyle. If it was, it would seem a little harsh to those not in the know.

--Bill

Bill,

Yes, the term” bitch” might seem a little harsh to some, but i’m hearing it used more and more these days in a very different context than what you might think. In this new advanced FLR context, “bitch” is becoming a compliment. Let me explain:

My Boss, Carol, recently introduced me to a group of Her Female Colleagues as “my bitch,” and no one seemed disturbed or uncomfortable, me included. Subsequently Carol has told one of Her Colleagues (in my hearing) to, “Call my bitch, and he’ll make arrangements” – referring to my setting up a meeting. Another Woman executive asked Carol, “Can I borrow your bitch?” for some complicated reporting tasks.

 

As you’ll see below, increasingly bitch is taken as a real compliment to males who relish their subordinate-to-Women status. Frankly, i’m happy to be Carol’s bitch. Carol is an executive, and being Her bitch means that She:

§  Trusts me with tasks ranging from the trivial  (i have a cup of coffee on Her desk in the morning) to the complex (i do complex reports and analyses for Her)

§  Is confident in my abilities

§  Confides in me and knows i’ll NEVER violate Her confidence

§  Trusts me with details of Her business and personal life

§  Knows that i’m watching Her back, anticipating Her needs, and getting things done for Her

§  Is confident that my work loyalty is to Her and Her alone

§  Can count on me to be Her eyes and ears in our organization; i tell Her what’s happening

§  Knows i advocate for Her in every situation i find myself

§  Appreciates that i’ll always be giving Her credit for successes

§  Takes comfort in my taking blame when things go wrong

§  Can give me the dirty jobs and know i’ll carry them out to the letter

§  Knows i’m a vocal activist on Feminist issues

§  Is able to delegate tasks and power to me, knowing i will accomplish what She wants

§  Sees me as one of the “girls” and not one of the “guys”

§  Knows i care about Her and want Her to be successful

§  Will always find Her coffee cup filled, Her car warm, and Her briefcase and tote bag in the trunk

§  Can count on me for the little things – cleaning Her house, taking and picking up Her dry cleaning, pressing Her blouse when we’re on a business trip

In this specialized context, you see, “bitch” is one of those wonderful words that has multiple meanings: the pejorative term has been purposefully rehabilitated it, so that, if capitalized (according to the Feminist spelling), it refers to a strong, assertive, and vocal Woman. Similarly, “bitch” can also refer to a Woman’s articulating Her views, usually to the discomfort of men, i.e. “bitching.”

But, when lowercase, “bitch” is being expanded today in some FLR circles as a colloquial term for a very capable administrative assistant. Thus my boss Carol referring to me as Her bitch is meant, and taken, as a real compliment; my title of “her bitch” is earned. and i’m damn proud of it. Yes, bitch can be Female (Bitch) or male (bitch). So, in a sense, we’re both (B)bitches and equally damn proud of the name!

--d

dennis: REPLY TO CHLOË’S COMMENT ON REVEALING FEMALE AUTHORITY

Chloë: Since my fiancé told me he wanted to take more control, it has been a steady increase in control over the household, which has in turn led to conversations in which it simply comes up. When a friend asked me to come to her daughter’s recital with her, I simply told her we would be there, telling my fiancé that’s what we were doing. Simple things such as being released from chores, being praised and lovingly supported by an obedient husband just keep coming up in conversation. This lifestyle has become steadily more gratifying, and I feel like I have a “little man,” as a previous post on this website has shown me. But eventually it just comes out, because people have expectations, and when you say, “No, actually, we can have it at my place, I’ll tell the little man to make something,” peoples’ heads turn. Also, as we are nearing our wedding, my fiancé said that since they are my values, he thinks we should use my name as our family name.

dennis replies:

Dearest Chloe,

Thank for Your comments. Yes, it’s true, as a couple moves down the path of a Female Led Relationship, the lifestyle just becomes entwined with the daily tasks of living, and so, too, does it become entwined in our conversations and interactions with others. Word gets out and others soon realize the special relationship that the FLR couple has, and, more importantly, they realize the authority the Woman has.

As a Woman assumes more authority, She may refer to her husband in a way that better reflects Her authority and his subordination. You’ve adopted “little man,” my friend tom’s Wife refers to him as Her “boi,” and Nancy and Sue often refer to me as their “bitch” as in “I’ll have my bitch take care of it.” My Boss, Carol, uses “bitch,” too and has introduced me to Female colleagues as, “This is my bitch, dennis.” “Boi,” “bitch,” and “little man” are the most common ways we see submissive gentlemen referred to. Not only are they in line with an FLR, but many Women in the lifestyle understand their significance and are comfortable these terms in conversation and in applying them to their own relationships. What the Women whom I’ve met in FLRs don’t seem to feel comfortable with are using “sissy” or “slave” to describe their husbands, as these terms, though usually attributed to submissive relationships, don’t lend themselves to practical use.

In addition to being Nancy’s “bitch,” at home i’m also sometimes called “Suzie-Q,” a nickname that has been bestowed on me by the Women of the family. As a result, many close friends and family have long since stopped calling me dennis; it’s Suzi-Q who gets letters, cards, and packages. A number of Women we know in FLRs have assigned names to their submissive male partners, either pet names or “bitch names.” For instance, my friend tom is also known as “Tootsie.”

Finally, Chloë,  if your fiancé desires to take Your name in marriage, and You feel he is deserving of the privilege – and it is a privilege – then by all means do so! It is a beautiful sign of your authority and of his commitment. Nancy and i wrote a post for this blog a long time ago that had advice for a man taking the Woman’s name in marriage; you might want to look for that post. In our patriarchal society it’s easy for a Woman to take a man’s name in marriage, but going the other way, the man taking Her name, can be very complicated depending on local laws. Consult a lawyer to discuss your specifics. One nice touch that we recommend is that after the marriage, he hyphenate his “maiden” name with yours, dennis smith-Richards, for example. Hyphenation is a way Women, particularly professional Women, transition to a man’s name, eventually dropping Hers. Most Women we know elect either to keep their name outright or maintain hyphenation. For a Woman hyphenation proclaims Her independence. For a man hyphenation proclaims his commitment to his Wife.

We’re absolutely delighted that you are moving down the path of an FLR and that your “little man” is so willing to travel that path. Please let us know if you decide to allow your fiancé to take you name in marriage.

--d

ZARDOZ: LIFE IN A FEMSUPREME FAMILY—THE LIONESSES’ SHARE

The pro-Female dynamics in our family may be unconventional at the moment, but the Female Led movement is gaining ground fast, and I feel that my children will one day be ahead of the game and better prepared for the world that is coming.

But even if our lifestyle were still to be frowned on in the future, I still feel strongly that it is right to conduct ourselves in the way we do.

When it comes to our children, my Goddess Wife and I put both of them first. Their happiness is central to our family. My Wife and I both make sacrifices for them, but we find that there is more scope for me to give things up—with the help of my Wife.

For example: I used to eat too many sweet things, and now, at my Wife’s direction, that has been stopped. The ideal that my Wife likes to promote for males is one of being slim and trim, and for Women to be rounded and larger.

We both agree that the pervasive effect of media stereotypes (and, to an extent, the “War on Women”) has been to make females thin and weak through dieting and shame about size.

In our family the Women are large and strong, while the calories are restricted for us males.

Here’s how mealtimes embody this families dynamic: My son and I must wait for the lasses to start first, so they get first choice in certain foods. Either we start to eat only after the lasses have already begun their meal, or we may eat at a later time.

Either way we have smaller portions

In this way, the most basic apportionment of power in the family is demonstrated through the apportionment of calories.

Clearly, the idea that the big lion gets the lion’s share of the food is reversed in our house. It’s the Lionesses that get the Lionesses share.

And all of us—my Goddess Wife and I, and our Daughter and son—feel that this is exactly as it should be.

dennis: REVEALING FEMALE AUTHORITY—POSTSCRIPT

Anonymous comment on dennis’ post: REVEALINGFEMALE AUTHORITY:

"My wife (dom) and I started this lifestyle about 3 months ago. Finding information on this site is great. While some are comfortable with friends’ knowing about their FLR, we are not sure how to get there. I am sure my friends are wondering if something is different. How have others spilled the beans? I am sure some have no issues with this but we need advice on how to get there.”

dennis responds:

Thanks so much for your post and a warm welcome to a wonderful lifestyle!

We’d advise that you move gradually, although we know that many couples want to get news of their Female-led lifestyle out there. Small steps are easier to communicate on your part, and they are easier to accept on the part of your friends. If, for example, your Wife has you performing a regimen of housework, then casually bring that up in conversation. She might drop hints such as mentioning in conversation that She told you to do a task as opposed to asking you to do something. If you have visitors and are responsible for kitchen cleanup, then by all means do your assigned work no matter who’s present; you can explain that cleaning the kitchen is your job. If your Wife requires you ask permission to deviate from your normal routine, for example, going out with co-workers after work, then by all means make it known that you have to ask your Wife’s permission.

Your Wife will likely be able to spread the news of your new lifestyle easier than you can. Keep in mind that men in our patriarchal society look down on other men taking orders from Women, but Women look upon Women giving orders to men in a very positive light.

Be subtle. In public you should allow Her to lead the way, select the wine at dinner, etc. And She should never ask; rather, She should tell, even when you’re away from home. Over time, word of your new arrangement will get out and be accepted; if friends don’t accept it, then they’re not likely to be friends long, nor are they likely to be the friends you want anyway. In a Female-led marriage you, the man, are likely to gain a new set of friends, many of whom are also in various stages of an FLR. My personal situation was exactly this – male friends drifted away as a result of Nancy and my relationship, but i gained an entire new set of friends who respect and even envy our lifestyle choice.

Hope this helps, but if you have any other questions or comments, please let us

know AND make sure that you do reveal your lifestyle choice to your friends, relatives, and co-workers. Your doing so will not only benefit you but it will also encourage others to consider this wonderful lifestyle.

ZARDOZ: LIFE IN A FEMSUPREME FAMILY—‘BEDTIME FOR BOYS’

(Longtime blog reader and commenter “Zardoz” is the devoted and dutiful husband in a Female Supremacist household in the UK. The rest of the family consists of daughter and son and the woman Zardoz variously addresses as “Boss,” “Goddess,” or simply “Ma’am.” I am happy to report that Zardoz has agreed to provide us occasional glimpses into what he considers this “utterly blissful lifestyle.” As with the guest posts from dennis, I have not altered Zardoz’ preferred Female Supremacist/Feminist styles styles of spelling and capitalization.—Mark Remond)

Recently we had a little change of routine at our house. It was decided that the Daughter of the house was old enough to stay up later. She is a year younger than her brother, but he will keep to his bedtime unless he is needed by me to help with chores.

Here’s how it works. Say we are all watching TV together (as we often do). At a certain time of Her choosing, my Wife will just clap Her hands and say, “Okay, boys to bed.” It’s understood that the Females will stay up.

My son was at first indignant and at having to go to bed earlier than his younger sister, and I must say that I, too, was a bit miffed. But of course I tried not to show it and undermine my Wife's authority.

Later on in private, my Wife listened to my respectfully expressed reservations, then agreed that I would be allowed to stay up if I had household tasks that needed to be completed. Otherwise it was to be bedtime immediately for “both boys.”

As a result of this new routine, there are groans and plaintive pleas from our son to be able to finish watching a particular TV show. But he is told by the Females that they will record it or find it on other media so that he can watch it when he has more time.

It’s a funny feeling at first not being able to stay up as long as a child (and my own child, at that), but I think it sends a very good message to both our children about the respective positions of the sexes.

And it gives time for the Ladies to be together and discuss important things without males being about.

Indeed, I hear more and more that my Wife and Daughter have been discussing things and that they have decided on something.

Sometimes it’s presented as a “common front,” a consensus Female ruling. At other times it’s made explicit that the younger of the two has decided.

It’s good training on two counts: For my Daughter when She will have to lead a family of her own; and also for me and my son on how to be led by Females.

I agree with others here on the blog, that if this was reversed along traditional patriarchal lines, people would not question it because… well, because isn’t that the way things have always been?

By the way, there’s nothing at all sexual in any of this.

*

 

Postscript: Later, cuddling with my Goddess and listening to Magic FM, I think how peaceful and tranquil it is here in the love that She has created for all.

And then it’s time to tidy up and off to bed.