Monday, March 9, 2015

dennis: REVEALING FEMALE AUTHORITY—POSTSCRIPT

Anonymous comment on dennis’ post: REVEALINGFEMALE AUTHORITY:

"My wife (dom) and I started this lifestyle about 3 months ago. Finding information on this site is great. While some are comfortable with friends’ knowing about their FLR, we are not sure how to get there. I am sure my friends are wondering if something is different. How have others spilled the beans? I am sure some have no issues with this but we need advice on how to get there.”

dennis responds:

Thanks so much for your post and a warm welcome to a wonderful lifestyle!

We’d advise that you move gradually, although we know that many couples want to get news of their Female-led lifestyle out there. Small steps are easier to communicate on your part, and they are easier to accept on the part of your friends. If, for example, your Wife has you performing a regimen of housework, then casually bring that up in conversation. She might drop hints such as mentioning in conversation that She told you to do a task as opposed to asking you to do something. If you have visitors and are responsible for kitchen cleanup, then by all means do your assigned work no matter who’s present; you can explain that cleaning the kitchen is your job. If your Wife requires you ask permission to deviate from your normal routine, for example, going out with co-workers after work, then by all means make it known that you have to ask your Wife’s permission.

Your Wife will likely be able to spread the news of your new lifestyle easier than you can. Keep in mind that men in our patriarchal society look down on other men taking orders from Women, but Women look upon Women giving orders to men in a very positive light.

Be subtle. In public you should allow Her to lead the way, select the wine at dinner, etc. And She should never ask; rather, She should tell, even when you’re away from home. Over time, word of your new arrangement will get out and be accepted; if friends don’t accept it, then they’re not likely to be friends long, nor are they likely to be the friends you want anyway. In a Female-led marriage you, the man, are likely to gain a new set of friends, many of whom are also in various stages of an FLR. My personal situation was exactly this – male friends drifted away as a result of Nancy and my relationship, but i gained an entire new set of friends who respect and even envy our lifestyle choice.


Hope this helps, but if you have any other questions or comments, please let us
know AND make sure that you do reveal your lifestyle choice to your friends, relatives, and co-workers. Your doing so will not only benefit you but it will also encourage others to consider this wonderful lifestyle.

20 comments:

ALL HERS said...

I agree that a very subtle way is the best to show friends you are now in a WLM. When we are out, my wife will tell me something, and I never question her, no matter what I am told.. Others pick on it very quickly.

I love to take her clothes shopping, spending the day going to many stores and a nice restaurant for lunch in between. When shopping, I must stay 6 feet behind her so I do not obstruct her. I may not speak unless spoken to by her or someone else. And I carry everything she will be trying on. Many saleswomen come up to her and I and say, "let me take those from him and start a dressing room for you". She will politely say, " no thank you, he is here to carry everything for me, he is doing as he was told". The saleswomen always smile and some have even winked at me. The real young ones don't get it, but someday they will. The saleswomen ask, how did you train him so well, or, does he have a twin, or my favorite, can you train my husband?

So everyday experiences with each other will eventually show,everyone that you are in a WLM. Last summer while at a bar b que, all of the women were talking about golf and tennis and setting up matches for the week ahead. The 5 men were discussing which floor steamer is best (Eureka we agreed on), and the best way to clean grout on floors. The women know that I am home doing housework, laundry and food shopping while my wife is on the golf course or having lunch with them afterwards. I may play once a week if she has been pleased with my housework and behavior. I would not trade our WLM am life for anything.

Obedient husband said...

When speaking with family and friends, my wife commonly says the words, "I told (my first name)....."
She doesn't even notice, meaning she is quite comfortable with saying the words.
I always notice, and enjoy it.
Further, I wouldn't really be comfortable saying these words to others.
Submissive husbands don't tell their wives, we ask, or clarify. It's a good life.

sub hub in phx said...

I think this is a comment "problem" for most couples involved in a loving FLR/FLM, because being "revealed" is usually something that most submissive men wish to have happen.

Mistress K. and I have been in our FLM for going on 4 years now and although the idea of others knowing (only her BFF currently knows), we both are keenly aware that once the "word gets out", there is no un-ringing that bell.

Anonymous said...

Do what is best for your marriage and your own situation. Period. If the two of you choose to be open to others, great. If the two of you choose to keep it quiet, also great.
As the previous comment stated, there is no unringing that bell. Ignore all opinions but each other's. It's your marriage and your lives...

Mark Remond said...

dennis responds to SubHub in PHX:

Our experience with others in the lifestyle is that there is initially hesitation on the part of the male, but this soon gives way to his wanting to reveal his new role. Women, too, seek to let others know about Her leading the relationship since Her doing so is usually looked upon favorably by other Women.

And you are correct, once the genie is out of the bottle there is no getting Her back in. Many Women in an FLR want to let that genie out because it's a way She can maintain and enhance Her control.

If your Wife's BFF knows i'd suspect your secret is out or soon will be...

d

Mark Remond said...

dennis replies to Obedient Husband:

Thank you so much for your post... Our experience exactly! Nancy never asks, She tells, as is befitting of Her position. Nancy and the Women in Her family are accustomed to telling and men are accustomed to obeying. It says everything about our relationship and says so very publicly. And while 'please' and 'thank you' are in the male lexicon alongside 'Yes, Ma'am' these words are not in the Female vocabulary at least when dealing with a submissive gentlemen.

We get different reactions. men of the patriarchal persuasion will immediately distance themselves from a submissive man as and will likely tell others and expel him from their circles. A man of the submissive persuasion will reach out to a man in an FLR and both are likely to form a bond due to their common situation, a supportive bond not unlike the supportive, understanding friendships Women develop.

d

tony said...

My wife sometimes 'tells'; and sometimes 'asks'. She is a very polite person though very much in control. She has stopped thanking me when I do her bidding or perform a service, but expects me to thank her for being allowed to do so. I will discuss this 'tell-ask' issue with her and am interested in her response.

Anonymous said...

Awakened Husband

The biggest challenge with revealing female authority is that it is an automatic give away to the male submissiveness. It is a very poorly understood condition that can easily be viewed as a sign of inferiority. Regardless, a "normal" man cannot even begin to understand how a submissive man looks at things. For example, I get a real high from the fact that only my wife as access to the money I earn. Also, it is intensely pleasurable to engage in the drudgery of housework when She is propped on the easy chair reading the newspaper. When She wins an argument, it is supposed to be humiliating but instead seeing her run circles around me turns me on. All of this is probably very foreign to normal men, and that's what makes this challenging.

On the other hand, do not underestimate the ability of people to read signals. They probably already know the secret.

Mark Remond said...

dennis responds to Awakened Husband:

Thank you for your post which vividly communicates the emotions of being a submissive gentlemen. i've long been in a Female-led Relationship and can't imagine it being any other way. There is a real thrill to serving my Wife and Her Mother. So called 'normal men' don't know what they're missing! i absolutely love walking through the mall, loaded with packages, and walking a respectable distance behind the Women - my role is obvious to all who observe but that's part of the excitement. There's a real thrill in putting on an apron to clean house, serve coffee to the Women, or respond to their call for service. 'normal men' just don't understand unless they cross the line into a Female-led situation - then they understand and then they feel the thrill - and i'm betting that once they do they never go back - i didn't and i won't and will pay any price to stay in my situation...

Thanks again for an excellent post.

d

tony said...

Submissives get pleasure from the little things, the most simple ones. Nothing gives me more pleasure than, when bringing my wife a glass of water at mealtimes, receiving her acknowledgment in the form of a nod and maybe a very slight smile/smirk. She is complimenting me that I have served her in a satisfactory manner. Another simple example is after she arrives home from work and we greet each other warmly, she reminds me that her shoes are on the porch. What She means is 'pick up my shoes now and clean them properly.' Even though I need no reminder, she knows I need continual training and likes to remind me of this fact.

Chloë said...

Since my fiance told me he wanted to take more control it has been a steady increase in control over the household, which has in turn led to conversations in which it simply comes up. When a friend asked me to come to her daughter's recital with her, I simply told her we would be there, telling my fiance that's what we were doing. Simple things such as being released from chores, being praised and lovingly supported by an obedient husband just keep coming up in conversation. This lifestyle has become steadily more gratifying, and I feel like I have a "little man", as a previous post on this website has shown me. But eventually it just comes out, because people have expectations and when you say, "No, actually, we can have it at my place, I'll tell the little man to make something", peoples' heads turn. Also, as we are nearing our wedding my fiance said that since they are my values he thinks we should use my name as our family name.
Mr Remond, thank you for adding the many women's voices to this site, it's been so great to get ideas from them.

Mark Remond said...

Thank you, Chloe, for your delightful comment. Seems you are well on your way to happy-ever-aftering the Wife-Led way even before the wedding! And your fiance is to be praised for surrendering power and offering to take your name as his own.

Since you mention adding more women's voices to the blog, let me invite you to be one of them -- any progress reports or updates would be enthusiastically welcomed, either as comments or as guest posts. You can email me at markremond@gmail.com

Mark Remond said...

PS to Chloe: You remind me of something I rarely think about, which I have come to take for granted -- and that is how utterly out of the decision-making loop I am when it comes to our social life as a couple and family. Friends, family all know to bypass me and ask for my wife on the phone, or however, when inviting us to some event. She makes all the commitments with complete authority, as you do, without need to consult me. She merely needs to inform me, and then remind me (as I tend to forget), and whip me into suitable shape. Well, not THAT kind of whip. I am always happily surprised when she says we are going out for dinner, but not disappointed when we're not. Occasionally I step out of character and suggest something, and she will tell me if it's in the cards or not. If there is something I really want to do, an event or TV show, I will tell her weeks in advance, and she will try to accommodate me, because she is a very dear creature, but if there is a scheduling conflict, she knows I will happily yield to her, no matter what. It makes for a happy and tranquil home, my happy acquiescence to her superior judgment in all things, being, as you put it, her "little man."

Anonymous said...

My Wife and I are new to FLR. The lifestyle was more my idea than hers. Actually we didn’t even realize there was such a thing until we started talking about her taking a more dominant role in our relationship. In the past we had a lot of problems with our young marriage of 3+ years, mostly due to me being more of the dominant since we live in a house that I owned and I make most of the money. We are both in our mid 50’s and second marriages. She was single for about 16 years and I was single for about 7 years. No kids living with us as they all have kids now except for 1.

Learning about the 5 food groups was interesting. We are working hard on this and have made huge changes. She is now in charge of all 5 food groups with the financial part being the hardest and still a work in progress. I had always taken care of the checking account and making sure the bills got paid. Believe me she has had no problems in the past with taking care of Her finances. I am now on a $25 a week allowance for lunches. If I want to go out on a Saturday without her then the $25 is part of this. I am allowed to take lunches and it doesn’t go against the allowance (only if I go out for lunch). When we go out for a meal she mostly orders my food. This can be very interesting when we have friends with us and usually she places my food order right after hers so it doesn’t draw attention.

I must ask her permission to do anything with my friends. This has been a huge change in my life. When the boys get together we seem to make huge plans that She doesn’t approve of. I have come to realize the frustrations she has had in the past. It’s very interesting to hear my friend’s voice when I say I have to talk to my wife first. They have noticed I am not as available as I was in the past but aren’t aware of the FLR lifestyle we are working on.
I have read a lot online about different ideas and as we all know that are different kinks and ideas. We aren’t into the kinks. On full disclosure I told her about my issues with touching myself and such. She was surprised and frustrated with this. She now controls my releases but is very good to me about this (generally once a week).

She now has me do most of the house cleaning and such. It took her awhile to do this as she feels she needs to do some of it.

She and I would like to be able to discuss more with others and this blog will hopefully be a way for that to happen.

The reason for my post is that we are hoping to get others ideas and thoughts for the future.

Anonymous said...

I used to cavil at things that I was about to do or already doing saying " I'm doing it can't you see"

I find I have learnt to say yes Ma'am I will attend to it now" even if it has already been done.

Just because I might have say taken out the meat to defrost or be taking it out as She asks from another room for me to do so doesn't make Her wrong. She can't see from her seat as She reads the newspaper or writes an email.

Isn't it so much easier to not get worked up about such tiny trivialities.

Femsup

Anonymous said...

Yes, Femsup, "Mistress is always right". I make it a rule to NEVER argue with my wife. Old-style servants used to know how to do this with the mistress of the house.

I hope nobody takes offence, but we are one of those couples where the husband, me, dresses as a woman wherever possible.

I find this helps my mindset, and my mistress/wife gets better service out of me.

Sissy Molly

Anonymous said...

That is a good analogy. You would not argue with Her if you were in Her employ so why should you argue with the Woman you love.

Femsup

Mark Remond said...

dennis says amen to Femsup above:

Unaware of the prior threads but under no circumstances should a man disagree or argue with his Wife or other Woman in his life. MEN TO THE LEFT - BECAUSE WOMEN ARE ALWAYS RIGHT!

tony said...

If I argue with my wife, which is rare, and She feels it's not worth discussing, she'll simply point to her foot. That is my order to kneel and bow my head. She will repeat her statement or instruction if she was giving an order, and will then ask if I have anything to say. I must ALWAYS accept what she says by saying 'Yes Ma'am and I apologise for arguing.' She will then usually allow me to thank her properly. End of discussion.

Mark Remond said...

tony, an excellent method for avoiding arguments and promoting domestic tranquility! I salute your wife!