Thursday, March 19, 2015


Chloë: Since my fiancé told me he wanted to take more control, it has been a steady increase in control over the household, which has in turn led to conversations in which it simply comes up. When a friend asked me to come to her daughter’s recital with her, I simply told her we would be there, telling my fiancé that’s what we were doing. Simple things such as being released from chores, being praised and lovingly supported by an obedient husband just keep coming up in conversation. This lifestyle has become steadily more gratifying, and I feel like I have a “little man,” as a previous post on this website has shown me. But eventually it just comes out, because people have expectations, and when you say, “No, actually, we can have it at my place, I’ll tell the little man to make something,” peoples’ heads turn. Also, as we are nearing our wedding, my fiancé said that since they are my values, he thinks we should use my name as our family name.

dennis replies:

Dearest Chloe,

Thank for Your comments. Yes, it’s true, as a couple moves down the path of a Female Led Relationship, the lifestyle just becomes entwined with the daily tasks of living, and so, too, does it become entwined in our conversations and interactions with others. Word gets out and others soon realize the special relationship that the FLR couple has, and, more importantly, they realize the authority the Woman has.

As a Woman assumes more authority, She may refer to her husband in a way that better reflects Her authority and his subordination. You’ve adopted “little man,” my friend tom’s Wife refers to him as Her “boi,” and Nancy and Sue often refer to me as their “bitch” as in “I’ll have my bitch take care of it.” My Boss, Carol, uses “bitch,” too and has introduced me to Female colleagues as, “This is my bitch, dennis.” “Boi,” “bitch,” and “little man” are the most common ways we see submissive gentlemen referred to. Not only are they in line with an FLR, but many Women in the lifestyle understand their significance and are comfortable these terms in conversation and in applying them to their own relationships. What the Women whom I’ve met in FLRs don’t seem to feel comfortable with are using “sissy” or “slave” to describe their husbands, as these terms, though usually attributed to submissive relationships, don’t lend themselves to practical use.

In addition to being Nancy’s “bitch,” at home i’m also sometimes called “Suzie-Q,” a nickname that has been bestowed on me by the Women of the family. As a result, many close friends and family have long since stopped calling me dennis; it’s Suzi-Q who gets letters, cards, and packages. A number of Women we know in FLRs have assigned names to their submissive male partners, either pet names or “bitch names.” For instance, my friend tom is also known as “Tootsie.”

Finally, Chloë,  if your fiancé desires to take Your name in marriage, and You feel he is deserving of the privilege – and it is a privilege – then by all means do so! It is a beautiful sign of your authority and of his commitment. Nancy and i wrote a post for this blog a long time ago that had advice for a man taking the Woman’s name in marriage; you might want to look for that post. In our patriarchal society it’s easy for a Woman to take a man’s name in marriage, but going the other way, the man taking Her name, can be very complicated depending on local laws. Consult a lawyer to discuss your specifics. One nice touch that we recommend is that after the marriage, he hyphenate his “maiden” name with yours, dennis smith-Richards, for example. Hyphenation is a way Women, particularly professional Women, transition to a man’s name, eventually dropping Hers. Most Women we know elect either to keep their name outright or maintain hyphenation. For a Woman hyphenation proclaims Her independence. For a man hyphenation proclaims his commitment to his Wife.

We’re absolutely delighted that you are moving down the path of an FLR and that your “little man” is so willing to travel that path. Please let us know if you decide to allow your fiancé to take you name in marriage.



Obedient husband said...

Madamoiselle Chloe,
It is a beautiful thing that you two have found each other. A woman who is comfortable being dominant and a man who wants and needs her to be.

I don't know if your little man ever had the chance to develop a yearning to be referred to in that way, but he would have eventually realized that he wanted to be your "little man", "boy", "bitch", or whatever you decide. He's a very lucky boy.

I'm going to ask my wife to read your post.

Thank you so much for commenting.

Anonymous said...

I wondered if the bitch term was used with anyone present who was not in the lifestyle. If it was it would seem a
little harsh to those not in the know.

cd househusband said...

Madam Chloe,
It is befitting that your fiance should take your name after marriage but there are a lot of legal hassles. When I took the name of my wife 6 years ago, it took numerous visits to the lawyers and local court. However, it was worth it as it proclaimed my commitment to FLR.
- Monu Chaudhary

Chloë said...

Thanks for the warning about the legal hassles. It will be interesting. I think I am getting accustomed to the idea. Having someone at home supporting me has really helped me get some great promotions at work. I feel much more like a true leader. But I am so much happier with our role in our community now that I've been able to lead us. It feels like I am fulfilling a more important call. Thanks Everyone!

Anonymous said...

Yes, hyphenation is an excellent idea and provides a "teachable moment" too because people may ask why you have a hyphenated name and you can explain that the first half is your maiden name and the second is your wife's.

And you can explain that your wife only uses her original name because her identity is more important than yours.

A dominant woman should require that her intended humbly request the honour of adopting her name.

It is indeed a privilege, especially if the woman has some standing in the community and the future husband is less accomplished.

sissy molly

Danielle said...

Dear Madam Chloe

Taking the wife's name might takes a little obstacle if we are in a traditional family background.

In my family my wife rules. She wanted me to change my name to hers after marriage but my parents out right rejected, so maybe when my parents are no longer around in future, I might have to change.

She now had our children's name after hers and my parents could not objected. Maybe from there our FLM & a matriachy family will continue from here. one family at a time and a new generation will continue from now.


iruser said...

I am happily in an flr. Three of my wife's friends know about our relationship. When it's the two of us or any combination of the friends my wife and or her friends refer to me as the ass hole. As in hey ass hole bring me more wine. Derogatory and harsh but fitting with how we live. Now around others that don't know and or would not understand I am referred to by my first name for the exact reason of harshness.

We also often debate the idea of consent. I consent to live like this and behave this way. People who don't know have not consented to be part of things. Is it really therefore fair to be as open as some purport to be?

We struggle with a correct answer to this.