dennis: REPLY TO CHLOË’S COMMENT ON REVEALING FEMALE AUTHORITY

Chloë: Since my fiancé told me he wanted to take more control, it has been a steady increase in control over the household, which has in turn led to conversations in which it simply comes up. When a friend asked me to come to her daughter’s recital with her, I simply told her we would be there, telling my fiancé that’s what we were doing. Simple things such as being released from chores, being praised and lovingly supported by an obedient husband just keep coming up in conversation. This lifestyle has become steadily more gratifying, and I feel like I have a “little man,” as a previous post on this website has shown me. But eventually it just comes out, because people have expectations, and when you say, “No, actually, we can have it at my place, I’ll tell the little man to make something,” peoples’ heads turn. Also, as we are nearing our wedding, my fiancé said that since they are my values, he thinks we should use my name as our family name.

dennis replies:

Dearest Chloe,

Thank for Your comments. Yes, it’s true, as a couple moves down the path of a Female Led Relationship, the lifestyle just becomes entwined with the daily tasks of living, and so, too, does it become entwined in our conversations and interactions with others. Word gets out and others soon realize the special relationship that the FLR couple has, and, more importantly, they realize the authority the Woman has.

As a Woman assumes more authority, She may refer to her husband in a way that better reflects Her authority and his subordination. You’ve adopted “little man,” my friend tom’s Wife refers to him as Her “boi,” and Nancy and Sue often refer to me as their “bitch” as in “I’ll have my bitch take care of it.” My Boss, Carol, uses “bitch,” too and has introduced me to Female colleagues as, “This is my bitch, dennis.” “Boi,” “bitch,” and “little man” are the most common ways we see submissive gentlemen referred to. Not only are they in line with an FLR, but many Women in the lifestyle understand their significance and are comfortable these terms in conversation and in applying them to their own relationships. What the Women whom I’ve met in FLRs don’t seem to feel comfortable with are using “sissy” or “slave” to describe their husbands, as these terms, though usually attributed to submissive relationships, don’t lend themselves to practical use.

In addition to being Nancy’s “bitch,” at home i’m also sometimes called “Suzie-Q,” a nickname that has been bestowed on me by the Women of the family. As a result, many close friends and family have long since stopped calling me dennis; it’s Suzi-Q who gets letters, cards, and packages. A number of Women we know in FLRs have assigned names to their submissive male partners, either pet names or “bitch names.” For instance, my friend tom is also known as “Tootsie.”

Finally, Chloë,  if your fiancé desires to take Your name in marriage, and You feel he is deserving of the privilege – and it is a privilege – then by all means do so! It is a beautiful sign of your authority and of his commitment. Nancy and i wrote a post for this blog a long time ago that had advice for a man taking the Woman’s name in marriage; you might want to look for that post. In our patriarchal society it’s easy for a Woman to take a man’s name in marriage, but going the other way, the man taking Her name, can be very complicated depending on local laws. Consult a lawyer to discuss your specifics. One nice touch that we recommend is that after the marriage, he hyphenate his “maiden” name with yours, dennis smith-Richards, for example. Hyphenation is a way Women, particularly professional Women, transition to a man’s name, eventually dropping Hers. Most Women we know elect either to keep their name outright or maintain hyphenation. For a Woman hyphenation proclaims Her independence. For a man hyphenation proclaims his commitment to his Wife.

We’re absolutely delighted that you are moving down the path of an FLR and that your “little man” is so willing to travel that path. Please let us know if you decide to allow your fiancé to take you name in marriage.

--d