Saturday, March 15, 2014

dennis: TWO QUESTIONS ON MALE PROTOCOL IN A MATRIARCHAL HOME

(Note from Mark Remond: Here’s another reader comment followed by dennis’ response, not published before. This Q&A deals with some of the finer points of Joan’s Protocols of concerning male etiquette and female privilege which dennis has been sharing here.)

Dear dennis:
Concerning your post "Dennis: Meeting Joan & Learning of ‘The Protocols" : Women have always hated housework but it was their role and they did it. Here we have a behavior control situation where the men are taught to love housework and talk about its joys with other men. I love it. Here are two questions among many:
  1. Are the men permitted to sit during meals with the Ladies or do they serve and eat elsewhere after clean-up?
  2. Are they permitted to sit on chairs ever in the presence of any Lady?

dennis responds:

The answer to your first question is a resounding “it depends!”

For a small group of two or three Women, such as a weekday dinner then, yes, after the Ladies are served, i am welcome to sit at the table and enjoy dinner with them—and even participate in their conversation if invited. Afterward, the Women retire to the living room for desserts and drinks, and i go about cleaning up. The Women will, on occasion, ask me to join them, but most times i have to excuse myself as i have other tasks to accomplish; they understand. An even rarer treat is to be invited to share a cigarette or drink; a rare privilege that takes little time but which i greatly appreciate.

If we have a larger group of Women, then my duty, and my desire to serve, takes precedence. i'll serve dinner and hover near the dining room to tend to the group’s needs, but not so close as to be seen as listening in on the conversation. It's rare, but i may be extended the privilege of dining with the Women after they are served. As noted below, being allowed to dine with the Ladies does not convey the privilege of participating in their conversation.

After dinner the Ladies move to the living room for conversation and drinks. Once everyone has been served drinks and desserts, i'll eat and begin cleaning the dining room. Sue [Nancy’s mother] prefers that i minimally interrupt the living room conversation, so instead of looking in on the Ladies periodically, they will summon me by ringing a bell. The bells, which i've written about previously (“I Hear Bells”), are Nancy's Aunt's throwback to the Edwardian era, when servants were summoned by a bell and a light in their quarters, indicating that service was required and in what room. We don't have lights, but we do have different-sounding bells in each room. The bells allow me to efficiently take care of my kitchen clean-up while taking care of the Ladies without disrupting them.

The answer to your second question (“Are males ever permitted to sit on chairs in the presence of any Lady?”) is a resounding “yes,” but again with conditions.

A man's being invited to sit with the Women is indeed a compliment, not because Women think he has something to say, but rather because they likely feel he can learn something from the discussion. Remember the directive? Men should “Shut up and listen!” The Protocol for men speaking or participating in a conversation is to “speak when spoken to, to give a response when asked.” Men aren't allowed to hover near the conversation, even to listen; they must be invited in, at which time they take the seat offered, usually one in the back of the room. Often, to reinforce the man's status, he will be seated on a stool.

But, no, i don't have to sit on a stool, unless told to do so, although the wise male will take a stool periodically to demonstrate his deference. But men do have other Protocol-dictated restrictions on where they may sit. Men are not to sit in a chair with arms—EVER! In the dining room a chair with arms has traditionally been the “head of household” chair. In our home we have six such chairs, all reserved for Women in the family or Female guests. One is always reserved for Nancy and another for Her Mother, Sue. This Protocol extends to other rooms in the house. If there’s not a chair without arms available, the man stands. This Protocol also extends to outside establishments. such as restaurants where practical—and it usually is practical!

—d


20 comments:

Anonymous said...

The protocols described here are wonderful exhibitions of female authority and male servitude. However, the women may occasionally wish to exercise their authority in more extreme ways for the purpose of reminding their men just how absolute that authority is.

Although some submissive men are "sissy" in both demeanor and physical stature, many submissive men have large, masculine builds and are very well-endowed. A woman in authority over such a man would certainly subject him to all the protocols (apron included!), but she may, on special occasion, subject him to the female gaze.

Suppose a woman (let's call her Emily) has a group of several friends over for dinner on a Saturday. Emily's submissive husband respectfully and silently serves them while wearing an apron, which is standard protocol. However, since he is quite muscular and well-built (due to the rigorous daily workouts required of him), Emily may instruct him to remove his shirt while serving. Now he wears only cut-off shorts and the apron. Emily's friends are quite pleased and make comments on his physique. He is not permitted to respond or even acknowledge what he hears. The women's conversations turns to sex, and Emily admits that (unlike many of her friends), she chooses not to pursue "other options" beyond her marriage. Many of the women appear surprised and ask why, but one friend comments, "Well, with a man like that, my eyes would also be less likely to stray!" The women laugh, and Emily gets an idea. She says, "Oh, if only you knew. Let me show you."

She calls her man back into the room and orders him to completely disrobe. Although he is surprised, he does not react or question her authority - he knows better. Instead, he silently removes his apron, shorts, and underwear to stand fully exposed before the women. All the women stare between this thighs with appreciative smiles on their faces. He soon grows to full excitement for their viewing pleasure. Although there is no touching, he serves them for the remainder of the evening in this state.

Not only has Emily treated her friends and increased her status by showing them what a fine male specimen she owns, but she has also further cemented her authority over her man. This authority is absolute; she can make him do anything. Although the male erection has historically been a symbol of male power, she has turned the tables by making it a symbol of male vulnerability and submission. The clothed women viewing him have full knowledge of his most intimate masculinity, and knowledge is power. They can observe (with pleasure) his most intimate contours and his response to various stimuli, and he is powerless under their gaze.

Although Emily would not require her man to do this often, an occasional step far beyond the typical protocols serves to remind her man just how absolute her authority is.

Roddy Sunshine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

A very simple way of deferring to your Lady is to simply sit on the floor next to her seat.

I do this a lot after I have cleant up after dinner (but I join the Ladies only on invitation). It sends a powerful message of deference to take to the floor while all the ladies see that I could have taken a chair.

The funny thing is that the Dominant Ladies that my Wife and Her Friends are accept more in terms of humor and "cocky" talk from a guy sitting at His Wife's feet. Lively conversation.

It's the same at work. I'm a paralegal and work for female lawyers in a female led law firm.

If you just humble yourself for them - volunteer to get their lunch, pro actively offer to clean their shoes for a presentation, and ALWAYS immediately take notes WHENEVER they say something! - you'll stay on their good side.

Nothing shows deference like a 40 year old paralegal offering to vacuum the company car of his young lady lawyer (I use public transport....).

The point is that this permits me to engage in some constructive criticism or advice in the cases I work on. Just like at home, a guy who knows his place gets some slack. The law firm wins (better court case), the Lady lawyer wins (better court case, plus clean shoes and a vacuumed car) and I win (better court case, stisfied Bosses).

The point is that a man is in a better condition to give advice when he's on his knees and poses no threat to the Ladies he has the privilege to serve.

Alex said...

Dennis,

I think these are among the best things ever to be said and I love the attitude of "men should shut up and listen to Women". I also love the attitude of the Women having the privilege of sitting in armed chairs but not the men, I think it is very fitting.

In a way I feel all these symbolisms, from the apron, even the more practical things like speaking only when spoken to in certain situations (because let's get real, it's OK in other situations to speak -- this is Matriarchy not prison, agree?) are all great things. I love when you talk about these things at length. I love when you talk about Female superiority and describe it in a practical way; not just in theory but what you do with it in the real world.

I have a question. Does this ever get "boring" or otherwise have a negative impact in your life?

I am sorry to have to ask this but the thing is you LIVE in a Matriarchal home while I have only dreamed of it, know nobody who does, and I sometimes ask myself how it would feel in "real life" not to read about it online but to live in a Matriarchy, even a small one like a home, where there are these types of rules.

Do you ever feel "Gosh, wished I wasn't doing this" for a few minutes? Do you think it's hard? Do you ever find it's "not" rewarding to serve the Women or feel like "really? Why this?" or "if they are so Superior why do they still act like __XYZ___?"?

I struggle with these thoughts when I think about where I want to go in life with these things. I know I am submissive but I have a confession to make:

I am a little bit "addicted" to reading about Femdom. I am sometimes in so much need to feel submission and I have no other outlet but to read about these things... so what happens, and here is the confession, is that sometimes I even read about maledom (which I kind of hate, but the lack of material about Femdom and my little "addiction" sometimes take over, especially since there are about 2 or 3 real blogs about Femdom and that's all there is in this small planet).
When that happens I start feeling my submissiveness go down, be affected, and sometimes even (yuck) entertain maledom thoughts. I hate it. I wished I had a sane way to account for this besides just "abstaining"; more like a Woman to account for who isn't shy of punishing me. But I don't so that's that.

Alex

Alex said...

BTW I don't know if it's clear why I made that confession. It wasn't to disgust anyone with maledom...

Nor to nag anyone about the lack of Femdom material (not your fault, especially not YOUR fault of all people).

The reason was because I was talking about how I struggle with the "reality check" and the difference between fantasy and real life.

In a way, what I am saying here is that until someone doesn't live the lifestyle, there are all these other "perspectives" from thinking "Gosh, if I was REALLY there maybe I'd hate it" all the way to *even* maledom or whatever. I am not talking about "guilt" here; once again I am talking about "where do I want to go with this in life?"

I feel submissive, I feel like I want to kneel to a Woman who will take my submission, but sometimes I feel like all those fantasies are just that -- fantasies. And what about real life? I get lost with these questions for that reason -- that there is nobody to actually act them out with.

One of the big questions for me is also what if I WAS being dominated but by someone who is
a) just bad (don't want to use the b***h word)
or b) just not a real dominant, just "playing"?

WTH, like I've waited all these years for THAT? You know what I mean? I kind of feel like "wow, don't want to marry anyone unless she owns a whip and a paddle and believes in Female Supremacy or at least can pretend she does but definitely believes in living this lifestyle".
Then on the other hand... what if in real life I don't like it?

Get the point? That's why I made that confession... it's not about guilt; it's about responsibility and what to do with all this...

Thanks for your help!

Anonymous said...

This is a very entertaining series. It's also total rubbish, likely a creation of Mark Redmond, but I am getting a chuckle out of it. Anyone who has ever, I don't know, been part of a family, can see that this would never take place, LOL!

Ashly April said...

The last comment is absolutely correct...and if it were not, one wonders how the food taster would be treated in such a household.

Brian said...

Even though this series is obviously fiction, I'm enjoying it a lot. Please keep it coming.

Obedient husband said...

I don't think that the things about which Dennis writes are fictional in the least!
Are the naysayers so narrow-minded that they cannot imagine that a submissive male would want to live this way, or that there are no dominant, confident women to whom he could offer his services?

There is no shortage of males who harbor submissive yearnings. Women are becoming increasingly powerful in many aspects of culture.

To dismiss Dennis' world as "purely fictional" , I think, is a knee-jerk reaction to shallow thoughts regarding the feasibility of a relationship that is different from their own.

I can't imagine being in a gay relationship.
To me, that seems foreign and unnatural.
It's certainly a different lifestyle than my own.
However, it doesn't mean that gay relationship are "purely fictional".

Female led relationships and submissive men are increasingly accepted by society even though it is not what most people choose. I, for one, am proud to be a part of this positive societal evolution. I enjoy and appreciate the things that Dennis shares. The perspectives into his life, I think, can be enabling and encouraging other couples who aspire to something similar but lack role models.

Thanks for sharing, Dennis.

Alex said...

I agree with obedient husband

Anonymous said...

@Obedient Husband

You seem to have a chip on your shoulder.

No, it's not that female led relationships and male submissives don't exist. It's this cult-like family where the men are treated as servants to the women, complete with feminization and ritualistic humiliation.

And we are supposed to believe that this happens not just between a submissive male and his dominant wife, but the female domination extends from the Grandmother on down, over all the males.

Bowing before the Grandmother? Kissing her feet? Being objectified by her by working in just underpants and an apron?

I'm sorry but I don't buy it.

Ashly April said...

Obedient husband....this will never be the way things are...nature simply does not conform and the annonymous comments are spot on.

Anonymous said...

About a year ago or so I questioned "Amanda's" tale of how She dominated her brothers saying it sounded like it had been lifted from a magazine. "Amanda" had a negative reaction and in response I admitted what really upset me about it was not whether it was true or not but rather that I did not like sibling domination stories when I came across them in a magazine. The "Matriarchal Family" is also a magazine staple and "dennis" does seem to adhere to the format. However, as long as it is entertaining, does it matter if it is true? If "dennis" who actually was "Dennis" last year, is the lilly being gilded here?, were to start soliciting funds for his housekeeping club, then we would have to ask is this the real deal. I belong to a dominant Wife who occasionally keeps me naked, beats me from time to time and gives me orders. There are also plenty of times She goes in to one room to watch HGTV and I am in the other room watching ESPN. What we see in these blogs are the highlights of the relationships that appeal to a particular niche. As long as they are entertaining we can suspend our disbelief. (lawslave)

Mark Remond said...

Ashley April - I just deleted your last comment. I welcome critical comments, but it becomes tiresome to me, and no doubt to most sympathetic readers, to have someone hang around and take potshot after potshot. I suggest you've had your say several times now, and it's time to move on. I'm not modifying or closing down the blog to suit your preferences.

Anonymous said...

@lawslave

Oh, it's absolutely entertaining. It's even hot in some ways as a fantasy.

If this was Literotica.com then there would be no issue. I'm just saying that it is presented as reality and it doesn't ring true to me. But then, Dennis is under no obligation to prove himself to me.

If you like it then, enjoy!

Ashly April said...

God forbid a flaw..........

Mark Remond said...

@lawslave -- I am as sure as I can be without ever having met dennis & Nancy and observing them at home that they are exactly as they have represented themselves to me. I pursued them to guest-blog on the basis of some posts on another message board years ago, and it took much persuading over many months to get them to tentatively agree. And then, as you may know, Nancy eventually bowed out in favor of more important and rewarding commitments. I am so glad that dennis has agreed to continue. I have emailed back and forth with each of them, and they are exactly as they represent themselves in the guest posts. dennis, more than any guy I've encountered online, lives the submissive lifestyle 24/7 that many of us have only fantasied about. he has the courage of his convictions and, though i could not walk a mile in his servant's slippers, i admire him tremendously. There are things he has confided to me privately that only increase my admiration. i have often lived in submissive make-believe, and i have written femdom fiction. dennis, on the other hand, lives the life. Of course, you are entitled to your view, and have stated it now a few times. Duly noted.

Alice said...

Could everyone stop doubting Ms. Nancy and her household sub? Thank you!

Mark Remond said...

Alex, several comments earlier, asked, "Does this ever get "boring" or otherwise have a negative impact in your life?" Here is dennis' response:

t never gets boring and it never ceases to provide its own reward. ALWAYS! --d

Anonymous said...

Mark what I stated was that was that it was irrelevant whether dennis's posts were true or not. I did NOT state that I did not believe them. I said it was a waste of time to debate their veracity. I guess it is now a waste of time to debate whether we should be debating about their veracity so this will be my last word on the subject. AS someone who currently works for four aggressive Female lawyers I would love to see more of the "Carol" arc. (lawslave)