Saturday, February 1, 2014


It was my second time home for a weekend with Nancy, and She promised me it would be a very busy one with plenty to do and a lot to learn. i was looking forward to it. On my first visit i was introduced to “housekeeping Her way” by Sue, but She wasn't the real trainer in Nancy's family. Rather, that title belonged to Sue’s Mother—Nancy's Grandmother—Joan.

Joan was an attractive Woman with Grandmotherly charm, but, i was warned, She also had a quick
temper and an intolerance for anything other than respect and obedience from males. Joan was the family Matron, regarded as a Wise Woman. Everybody respected Her and sought Her  opinion and followed it when they got it. She was like the Oracle of Delphi in Her own right. Family members would travel literally hundreds of miles to seek Her advice. No marriage partner was taken without Her approval, no home bought, no vacation planned, no investment made, no college major selected without consulting this Wise Woman.

In concert with Her daughters, Joan made the rules under which the family ran, all of which She referred to as The Protocols. The Protocols covered everything! They included the details of housekeeping as well as rules concerning how men treated Women in the family. A lot to learn, but it all made sense and resulted in a smoothly running household with the Women firmly in charge. No man ever got into trouble when he followed—to the letter—The Protocols. In fact, many men, myself included, have actively contributed to this body of rules, regulation and Female privilege. i'd go so far as to say that men benefit more from The Protocols than do Women.

Joan wasn't in charge just at home; She was the office manager for a large car dealership where She wielded a great deal of authority. When Joan spoke, people listened and obeyed. Even the dealership’s owner sought Her opinion and deferred to Her. He never hired anyone without Joan first interviewing them and giving Her approval. Joan had the last word on promotions, demotions, pay raises, and bonuses. She ran the place with a tight fist, and while some surely were jealous of Her power and even resented Her, they respected and obeyed Her, and that's what She cared about. In an era before Women ascended in the workplace, Joan had, power, position, privilege, a salary that eclipsed Her husband's, and a company car.

Joan held court; people and activity came to Her. So, on a Friday evening, having driven over 100 miles from school, i met Joan. She would be my tutor, my confidante, and my disciplinarian. Joan was expecting me when Nancy brought me in and gave me a brief introduction. From a fashion perspective Joan was dressed to the nines. Black dress, complementing patent leather pumps, ultra-sheer hose, and a mesmerizing array of jewelry. Nancy told me previously that i should genuflect to Joan; I did and was alone kneeling before the family Matron. She was seated in a high-back chair and motioned to me to sit on a stool at Her feet. She asked questions, and we talked for quite a while. After some time She mentioned The Protocols—the rules I had to learn to “make it” in the family. She went over some of the rules and behaviors, discussing them in depth; i listened intently, wanting to write them down—but that would come later.

Here is a sampling:

  • Men are to continually demonstrate their deference to Women in ways appropriate to the social setting they are in
  • When a Woman enters the room, all men rise out of respect for Her; they can remain in the room only with Her permission
  • Men are to speak only when spoken to; Women don't really care what
    men have to say; men learn by listening to Women
  • Women gather in the living room, men convene in the kitchen from which they can better serve Women
  • Women are referred to by Ma'am, Madame, Mademoiselle, Dear Lady, or Ladies; men are never to refer to a Woman by just Her first name
  • Proper attire is required of men serving Women
  • Men are to seek out opportunities to serve Woman
  • If a Woman extends Her hand, he genuflects and kisses it, indicating that it is his privilege to do so
  • If a Woman extends Her foot, he genuflects and kisses it, indicating that it is his privilege to do so
  • When a Woman enters a room, the gentlemen accord Her a “stoop-and-bow.” I was to find that a “stoop-and-bow” is somewhat like a curtsy and one of the reasons for wearing an apron
  • When a Woman leaves the room, gentlemen accord Her a “stoop-and-bow”
  • When encountering a Woman for the first time, such as when he enters a room, a Woman is accorded a “stoop-and-bow”
  • When he leaves a room having served Women, a gentlemen accords them a “stoop-and-bow”
  • When walking, She leads and he walks beside and slightly behind Her
  • At social functions he remains with Her, being attentive and supporting Her in conversation
  • At the theater She leads the way and presents the tickets
  • In a restaurant he may make his own selections, but She places the order and pays the check
  • he is expected to serve Her and Her Guests and do so in an attentive manner indicative of his and Their relative roles
  • There is a right way—the Woman's way!—for every household task and service rendered
  • Her career and interests take precedence 
  • He is responsible for housework so She can better pursue Her career and personal interests
  • She controls the finances
  • If marriage occurs, the man takes vows of obedience and fidelity; She does not!

Joan noted that these are small things that are not the least obtrusive but are very appropriate to a modern relationship. These little courtesies become second nature to men who benefit from following them; the next morning i'd start learning them and was very excited at the prospect.

Nancy entered the living room to show me to my room for the night. Following The Protocols, i stood and looked to Her. “Good!” i recall Joan saying. Joan then extended me Her hand; I genuflected and kissed it. “Very Good!” I recall Joan saying. Then, starting to get up from Her chair, She hesitated and said, ”Oh, why not?” She sat back down, crossed Her legs and extended me Her  foot. I recall saying, “Oh, yes, Ma'am” as I knelt before Her and, gently taking Her foot, kissed it through the sheer taupe hue of Her nylons . It was the first of hundreds of times that i'd do this.
“Oh, we are going to get on splendidly” Joan said, leaving me kneeling as She rose and left the room.



Anonymous said...

"the man takes vows of obedience and fidelity; She does not!"

In this household, the women have partners other than their husbands? But the husbands remain faithful? I was under the impression that most women prefer monogamy so this part actually goes against what I believed most women want.


Anonymous said...

I think this is a very interesting and important message from dennis. What’s interesting to me is that he is introduced to the “protocols” of Female privilege not by his wife but by her grandmother, the family’s matriarch. It seems that dennis has the honor of serving not only his wife but an entire family. Female-led colors not just the character of a single relationship but of an entire kinship group. I can only speculate, but this must make matriarchy much more of a reality than it would be if it was only a personal choice. In addition, maybe it is more satisfying—a real way of life in which one is immersed. It’s an experience that would be greatly beneficial pscychologically to men and the Women who are responsible for them. I also wonder what the effect of all that genuflecting has on everyday relationships. I imagine that it constantly reminds dennis and his male relatives of their “place.” I also imagine that there must be some deep pleasure in this way of life. I would like to hear more about it.


Mark Remond said...

LS - My sentiments exactly. When I first read this post, before it went online, I wrote to him that I thought it was one of the most important -- and beautifully written -- posts he has done, and I predicted it would have a sizable and continuing impact in the FLR world. I will go so far as to say that I believe there will be many FLR and matriarchal households that will incorporate many of these protocols in the days to come, to the great benefit of the males and their guiding wives, just as dennis has said. And, yes, i do believe dennis has more to offer us on this topic. Stay tuned!

Anonymous said...

Sounds more like a cult than a healthy functioning family.

Alex said...

Well Anonymous, sounds to me like the right cult then

fursissy said...

Women have always hated housework but it was their role and they did it. Here we have a behavior control situation where the men are taught to love housework and talk about it's joys with other men. I love it.
2 questions among many.
1; are the men permitted to sit during meals with the Ladies or do they serve and eat elsewhere after clean up?
2; Are they permitted to sit on chairs ever in the presence of any Lady

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's just a matter of semantics, but Dennis refers to Madame Joan as the family 'matron', but isn't she really the family 'matriarch'?


Mark Remond said...

Dennis responds to LS' comment on genuflecting:

"Yes, it has its place, which is, as you say, to remind males of their respective role in the household. But we don't get hamstrung with ritual. On the contrary, we have a variety of outward signs. Genuflection is required once, maybe twice a day. A stoop-and-bow works for my communicating the same reverence, it takes less time and i'm inclined to do it more often. Perhaps the most powerful to me is putting on an apron, one that one of the Women has selected. It is a constant reminder of my role and of the Women's authority. Women don't wear aprons in Nancy's family - men do."

Mark Remond said...

Dennis' reply to Uxorious above:

Sue often refers to Herself as Matron but you are correct that She is the family Matriarch. I use the terms interchangeably.

Matron is defined as, "A married Woman or a Widow, especially a Mother of dignity, mature age, and established social position".

Matriarch is defined as, "a Woman who controls a family, group, or government".

In either case She is regraded with deference and great respect.

Anonymous said...

Dennis will never be able to repay the blessings bestowed on him by the wise matriarch Joan.

He was extremely fortunate to be destined to serve Joan. Today, he is still blessed by her: he is allowed to serve her female Progeny.


Anonymous said...


Do the men born and raised in this family go through the same type of training? Does this reduce sibling rivalry between brothers/sisters?


Mr rodgers said...

My wife also has no vows of obedience and fidelity. We enjoy WLM

Mark Remond said...

Dennis responds to Greg above -

Yes, Joan, Nancy, and Sue have given me a wonderful lifestyle. i think of Joan often, and it is those thoughts that have moved me to share my experiences under Her tutelage.


david said...

Hi, just wanted to say both i and my amazing Wife really enjoyed this piece and would love to hear more from Dennis about the protocols in Nancy's family as well as his initial training. Perhaps something similar in vein to Ms Helene's posts about punishment or anything related to the initial training would be very much appreciated by all the readers of this blog I am sure. I only bring up punishment because it certainly has a special place in the initial training of a male.

Thank you again to Dennis for the great read

Alex said...

I think that subject would certainly be very much enjoyed if it was posted about, as david points out. Hey, Ms. Helene is missed here. What happened to Her? Is She more at ease with having a baby now, about a month after that experience. Ms. Hélène, are You around?

Question about the protocols: how has a family been Female dominated for so many generations? I used to think that a few decades ago nobody did that! Are there more families out there like that? Is there any type of community that brings such families together?

I do know Ms. Kathy, Her Daughter Ms. Becky and other Women in Her area all know about each other's Female Dominant marriages and Ms. Kathy even has a select group pf friends that are like that and they all hang out every so often.

I think it's about time boys take their marching orders from Women and assume the roles of followers, homemakers, sweater knitters and kitchen cleaners (oh, and babysitters! The best one!) Women, like Ms. Hélène can leave their boys in the house with the baby while they work, watch sports or in very advanced Femdom relationships maybe date... how isn't that the basis for a lifestyle that would make a community? Toast for the Superior Females!

Anonymous said...


Was it difficult for you when your wife started to date?

- Steve

Anonymous said...

I am kind of confused. People keep talking about women in femdom relationships being allowed to date other men. Why is that a sign of an "advanced" FLR? Regardless of who is in charge shouldn't both partners be faithful to one another? Isnt that the very definition of a relationship? Mutually exclusive love? If anything these relationships where the women are allowed to date other men should be called extreme relationships not advanced ones


Alex said...

Excellent post although it was funny tht it kind of ended abruptly.

sarah the slave said...

Dear Mark and Dennis and all the other posters here.
Fascinating discourse.
Perhaps I can shed some light on a couple of things here.
In a Wife led marriage some specific rituals are important as they serve to ensure that the husband is reminded constantly of his status in the marriage.
Although my Mistress has used feminization and chastity/denial right from the beginning ( 35years ago)to reinforce her dominance. we certainly do have protocols.
for example, I am never allowed to sit in HER prescence before being given permission. All it takes is for Her to point at the floor/ground at her side for me to kneel.
Yes we get some funny looks in the park or a station but we ignore them.
I am not permitted to address her by name when out. I must use either Mistress or Madam.At home it is Mistress only.
It matters not what I am doing, if She requires attention, I must attend to her immediately.
I do the housework and washing/laundry but She does the cooking. At which she is superb.
When indoors I must wear dresses or skirts and blouses and these must be well presented and if She requested a certain type, it must be perfect and complete. EG my black satin french maid's uniform, with the correct 6 petticoats and the frilly apron, plus matching collar,6 inch spiked heels, locked in place and wrists and ankles joined by short 12" chains linked to the matching wrist and ankle cuffs.
As I am in chastity, I cannot provide enough with my tongue and strap on harness, for her pleasure.
Therefore it is logical that She should seek sexual pleasure elsewhere, She tends to favour other women but there have been occassional men. This is not Her being unfaithful to me, it is simply an excercising of her right to pleasure and the pursuit of personal fulfillment.
She has always been bi sexual and I accepted and encouraged this, which as She confided later opened her mind to my submissiveness.
She has always been discreet where my work and career is concerned, although I am always in lingerie.
Many of our circle of friends know of and fully accept that She is my Mistress and I her obedient husband.
Over the years we have noticed that a woman calling the shots is becoming, if not normal, certainly much more common.
Sorry to have gone on so long but I feel that our long life together in an FLR could be of help to other less experienced couples.

Mark Remond said...

dennis responds to "Sarah's" comment above:

You are certainly correct that ritual plays an important role in an FLR because, as you say, it reinforces the roles of Woman and man in the relationship. We have numerous rules – collectively known as The Protocols – that govern things in our household; most are pretty mundane, but all have a place in the constellation of acceptable male behaviors as regards Women. We feel that the rituals and rules a couple practice are solely at the Woman's discretion. In our case Nancy and Her Mother determine the rules and rituals and i comply. While these are satisfying to me, what i want isn't important; what the Women want is! So, aside from suggesting new rules from time-to-time, i have no say in any of the rituals that form the fabric of our lives.
The details of our rituals are confined to our home or the homes of other Female-led couples. Even at the Center, the Feminist group where i and other men in our group volunteer, one sees politeness, respect, and deference but nothing i'd refer to as rituals. There's a thin line between respect and fantasy, and Women very rarely want to cross the fantasy line; in fact it's a HUGE disincentive to most Women considering a Female-led situation.
Nancy, nor for that matter any of the Women in Her family, would ever consider carrying out any of our rituals in the public eye; we don't want “funny looks” anywhere because we want a Female-led scenario to inspire others and not turn them away. Women are particularly turned off to what they regard as male fantasy as opposed to real dedication. In public i am attentive and deferential, always by my Wife's side and supportive of Her in conversation. When at home it's “Ma'am” or “Madame” but in public it's a polite “Nancy”. People know She's the boss but in a way that is attractive to other Women considering taking more control of Their relationship. What Women want from a Female-led relationship is a situation where he relieves Her of many – or all! – of the traditionally Female tasks of housework, freeing Her to pursue a career, education, personal interests, social activities, or simply to relax. men we know in FLRs are fully committed to their Wife's happiness and take great pleasure in Her following Her interests. In a real Female-led situation the desires of Woman and man converge on these things; what She wants is what he wants and he does whatever is necessary to support Her. His pleasure derives from his Wife realizing Hers.
As for the “feminization" you mention, of course that is entirely up to your Wife. But in our experience, Female attire is considered a Woman's privilege beyond the reach of men, at least in this societal paradigm. Most Women just aren't attracted to men in dresses, and in discussions we've had in various workshops, They overwhelmingly say so. In the case of my Mother-in-law, Sue, She feels that men serious about an FLR will do better to get on with the housework and forget the dress. She adds that She thinks i take too long putting on my required apron when i get home from work, let alone having to put on anything else! The apron She likes; otherwise She wants me working, that's what's really satisfying to Her!
Continuing on, as i'd written previously, in a posting titled 'Dress for Success', Women, in the broad opinion of society have the flexibility to adopt male attire. It doesn't work the other way but perhaps when Women are broadly recognized as the Superior Sex, They will see fit to extend Their dress options to men. Feminist writers have suggested this as an enticement to men as to what they – men – will have available when we have realized Matriarchy and Women are firmly in control.