Friday, February 6, 2015
REPRISE: BECKIE SUE ON FEMALE LED FAMILIES
(I conclude my revisit of the provocative posts and comments of Beckie Sue (from four years ago) with a compilation of her thoughts on Female Led Families. What follows, I believe, helped inspire Ms. Amanda and Ms. Jenn in formulating their own matriarchal family guidelines.—Mark Remond)
I think it is important to make clear that we are not just a "female led marriage," but we are a "female led family."
Our daughters are always having their friends over. They are all aware that the girls’ father is the one who does all the housework. They are there when he comes home from work and starts right in on dinner, or perhaps the laundry, while I am there reading, or enjoying myself on our deck. Our daughters’ friends are right there and hear me tell him to do a certain chore and he never argues.
Their brother is always there as well. He is very obedient to his sisters "requests." They usually ask him "will you..." but I know that it is really an order. Their friends are comfortable in telling him what to do as well.
In being a female led home, our daughters’ girlfriends know it is more than I, it is my daughters who rule as well. The girls have had many discussions on female superiority, and all of them are in agreement that as females they are superior. I have overheard them talk about having boys worship them, and wanting to be goddesses. They are learning.
The Best Interests of our Daughters
Do we really think the interests of our son are less important than the interests of our daughters? That the opinions, desires and hobbies of our daughters are more important than his? Just because they are female and he is male?
Throughout history, girls were taught that men were more important, that the goals of men were more important than their own. In a female led home, girls need to learn to lead males. And, yes, because they are female, they need to understand the importance of seeking hobbies and activities that will fulfill them.
As a male, their brother understands that sometimes he needs to forgo his own interests so that his sisters may have the opportunity to pursue theirs.
If he was always allowed to pursue whatever he wanted, often the girls would not be able to enjoy what they want. Brothers need to learn the importance of always placing the female first, helping her become the woman she can be.
So, yes, in my view the importance of a brother’s interests are less important than the interests of his sisters; they need to be for girls to be able to lead in their home, and society.
More Thoughts on Female Led Homes
I find that female led households are not as controversial today as they used to be. I am sure that many (if not most) homes are female led, though most are reluctant to admit it. Women are finding it more natural for them and their husbands for the woman to lead in their home.
Sons and daughters both need both parents as role models for their lives. Our son sees his father doing all the work around the home, all the housework as well as all the yard work, mechanical and maintenance chores, etc. My husband understands the importance of serving women so the females are able to pursue their more important interests. My husband has taught our son the importance of obeying not only his mother, but also his sisters.
Our daughters see the benefits of a female led family. Like their mother, they are learning how to lead a family. They don't have that authority yet but they can see how a family is closer when females are in charge.
There are no problems with a daughter being in charge of her father, as long as she is an adult (out of high school). If she has been raised in a female led family, she is qualified. As a mature adult female, she will not lose any respect for her father by being charge of him; on the contrary, this relationship will bring them closer.
Our daughters are still in their teens. When I have gone out for the day, their father is in charge and they know to obey him. But they are permitted to remind him of things. Recently I found my husband watching TV instead of getting his chores done. (He is not permitted to watch any TV for this reason.) I told our oldest daughter (with father’s knowledge) to keep an eye on him and remind him the chores need to be finished by his 10 p.m. bedtime. He admits having her present helps him focus on all his work and keep him from breaking any of his rules.
He has a great deal of respect for our daughters because of their self-confidence and experience in learning to lead in the home. They are all aware that, as adults, the females will always lead the males.
A girl should be allowed to tell (not ask) her father what to do. Many comments have been made about how a daughter would lose respect for her father if she was allowed to boss him around. That is incorrect. Daughters lose respect for their fathers when their fathers are bossy to them, when their fathers act better than their mother. A girl’s respect toward her father only grows when she sees how he can be obedient to the ladies in his life. She learns respect for her father when he cleans her room and washes her clothes. Our daughters highly respect their father at supper when their brother and father stand and wait for the girls to sit and allow the females to fill their plates and start eating before being permitted to start their own dinner.
A mother is the one who needs to teach her daughters how to lead, what is right, what to expect from men. A daughter needs to learn to lead both brothers and father, through the eyes of her mother. Yes, a girl will make mistakes, sometimes hurting the males in the family. But they must accept it, and she will learn through the experience.
I never liked the idea that some men are submissive. Men are by nature obedient. Through school (in the past), sports, military, and jobs they are required to be obedient; much more so than women. It is their nature to be obedient and to work. It is the nature of the female to be sexual/sensual and to direct the men in their lives. If daughters don't learn this in their home, they will have a hard time when they get older. And if sons don't learn obedience in their home, and from watching their father, they will not grow up properly.