Friday, February 6, 2015

REPRISE: BECKIE SUE ON FEMALE LED FAMILIES

(I conclude my revisit of the provocative posts and comments of Beckie Sue (from four years ago) with a compilation of her thoughts on Female Led Families. What follows, I believe, helped inspire Ms. Amanda and Ms. Jenn in formulating their own matriarchal family guidelines.—Mark Remond)

I think it is important to make clear that we are not just a "female led marriage," but we are a "female led family."

Our daughters are always having their friends over. They are all aware that the girls’ father is the one who does all the housework. They are there when he comes home from work and starts right in on dinner, or perhaps the laundry, while I am there reading, or enjoying myself on our deck. Our daughters’  friends are right there and hear me tell him to do a certain chore and he never argues.

Their brother is always there as well. He is very obedient to his sisters "requests." They usually ask him "will you..." but I know that it is really an order. Their friends are comfortable in telling him what to do as well.

In being a female led home, our daughters’ girlfriends know it is more than I, it is my daughters who rule as well. The girls have had many discussions on female superiority, and all of them are in agreement that as females they are superior. I have overheard them talk about having boys worship them, and wanting to be goddesses. They are learning.

*

The Best Interests of our Daughters

Do we really think the interests of our son are less important than the interests of our daughters? That the opinions, desires and hobbies of our daughters are more important than his? Just because they are female and he is male?

Throughout history, girls were taught that men were more important, that the goals of men were more important than their own. In a female led home, girls need to learn to lead males. And, yes, because they are female, they need to understand the importance of seeking hobbies and activities that will fulfill them.
As a male, their brother understands that sometimes he needs to forgo his own interests so that his sisters may have the opportunity to pursue theirs.

If he was always allowed to pursue whatever he wanted, often the girls would not be able to enjoy what they want. Brothers need to learn the importance of always placing the female first, helping her become the woman she can be.

So, yes, in my view the importance of a brother’s interests are less important than the interests of his sisters; they need to be for girls to be able to lead in their home, and society.

*

More Thoughts on Female Led Homes

I find that female led households are not as controversial today as they used to be. I am sure that many (if not most) homes are female led, though most are reluctant to admit it. Women are finding it more natural for them and their husbands for the woman to lead in their home.

Sons and daughters both need both parents as role models for their lives. Our son sees his father doing all the work around the home, all the housework as well as all the yard work, mechanical and maintenance chores, etc. My husband understands the importance of serving women so the females are able to pursue their more important interests. My husband has taught our son the importance of obeying not only his mother, but also his sisters.

Our daughters see the benefits of a female led family. Like their mother, they are learning how to lead a family. They don't have that authority yet but they can see how a family is closer when females are in charge.

There are no problems with a daughter being in charge of her father, as long as she is an adult (out of high school). If she has been raised in a female led family, she is qualified. As a mature adult female, she will not lose any respect for her father by being charge of him; on the contrary, this relationship will bring them closer.

Our daughters are still in their teens. When I have gone out for the day, their father is in charge and they know to obey him. But they are permitted to remind him of things. Recently I found my husband watching TV instead of getting his chores done. (He is not permitted to watch any TV for this reason.) I told our oldest daughter (with father’s knowledge) to keep an eye on him and remind him the chores need to be finished by his 10 p.m. bedtime. He admits having her present helps him focus on all his work and keep him from breaking any of his rules.

He has a great deal of respect for our daughters because of their self-confidence and experience in learning to lead in the home. They are all aware that, as adults, the females will always lead the males.


A girl should be allowed to tell (not ask) her father what to do. Many comments have been made about how a daughter would lose respect for her father if she was allowed to boss him around. That is incorrect. Daughters lose respect for their fathers when their fathers are bossy to them, when their fathers act better than their mother. A girl’s respect toward her father only grows when she sees how he can be obedient to the ladies in his life. She learns respect for her father when he cleans her room and washes her clothes. Our daughters highly respect their father at supper when their brother and father stand and wait for the girls to sit and allow the females to fill their plates and start eating before being permitted to start their own dinner.

A mother is the one who needs to teach her daughters how to lead, what is right, what to expect from men. A daughter needs to learn to lead both brothers and father, through the eyes of her mother. Yes, a girl will make mistakes, sometimes hurting the males in the family. But they must accept it, and she will learn through the experience.

I never liked the idea that some men are submissive. Men are by nature obedient. Through school (in the past), sports, military, and jobs they are required to be obedient; much more so than women. It is their nature to be obedient and to work. It is the nature of the female to be sexual/sensual and to direct the men in their lives. If daughters don't learn this in their home, they will have a hard time when they get older. And if sons don't learn obedience in their home, and from watching their father, they will not grow up properly.


22 comments:

I'm-Hers said...

"I never liked the idea that some men are submissive. Men are by nature obedient."

The above comment is an interesting one. Yes in those situations describe in the post makes are forced to be obedient-but so are females. I don't know that males are by nature obedient however, when free to choose their own path. Most crimes are committed by males and that is an act of disobedience. I don't know if males get into more trouble than females but I would tend to think that would be the case.

However I do believe that there are males that to want to obey their wives and follow their lead. I am one such man. I don't know if that is a genetic trait or if it is indeed one of wanting - even needing - to submit to one in authority. It's an interesting thought to reflect on.

Anonymous said...

I agree with “I’m Hers” that men are a diverse lot in their behavior, but I also agree with Beckie Sue. I do think men have a deep-seated potential and special talent for obedience. Three points. First, as boys all males have their mothers as their first authority figures; only later do they transfer it to some males. In short, obedience to women is a primary tendency in males. Second, as patriarchal norms break down, women have increasingly exercised authority over men in the family. In the typical family the wife rules the husband sometimes openly, but mostly informally and behind closed doors. These days that tacit dominance has extended to the workplace, where there are more female managers than male ones. Finally, (and I know this is controversial, but I agree with Beckie Sue), without patriarchal norms to lean on, women’s greater emotional intelligence and self-discipline gives them a big edge in close personal relationships with males. When expectations shift in the other direction, males may find their talent for obedience to be a blessing in disguise.

LS

Danielle said...

Dear Mistress Beckie

Will you ever consider in a female led family, Should the husband and children ( Female and male ) to take on the wife's last name?

Regards
Danielle

BOB said...

Interesting post. I myself think that family power structure will slowly change. More and more women are becoming college educated.and less and less men are.

And many Americans are starting their own busiensses. Once upon a time it would be the Father who started a business,.Witht he Son inheriting it.And with the Mother and wife playing a supporting role[doing the paperwork, being a hostess at business related dinners,ect]

More and more I think it will be the wife that starts a business.Withthe Daughter being groomed to take it over. Witht he Father, and often the Son, playing the supporting role

So whil ehelping the family business as a teenager or an adult, the Son is going to have to take orders from his sister.And as the daughter takes more responsibility and authority in the family business, its going to affect her status in the family.

Sooner or later her brother and father are going to have to learn to take orders from her.And from the wife/motherAnd the father and son will have to be the ones taking care of family housework ,ect. Since the status of the women at the company, will affect their staus at home and int he family power strutcure

BOB said...

Once upon a time, the Son[or Sons] would be the center of attention in a family.with all of the talk at the Dinner table being about his football game,ect. More and more , I think the attention will be paid tot he Daughter[s]. And the young male family members will gradually get used to it

It wont involve "kink" or "abuse[nor should it]. No one thought it "abuse" when a Daughter helped her mother do laundry while the dad and son went to the son's football game.and no one thought it "Kinky" or "sexual" , when the daughter and mother served the son and his male friends, drinks and baked brownies,ect, after the game.

So I don't think it will be wrong for roles to be reversed .Wit the son staying home to help his Fahter do housework and laundry.While his mom and sister go tot he sister's soccer game or science club meeting. And the brother can help his dad bake some cookies and help serve them to his sister andher girlfriends ,afterwards

More and more, males will adjust to not being the center of attention. Fathers,Sons and brothers and husbands will still be loved by the female members of the family.But more and more, I think that there will be a gradual change int he male's status

And as more and more women meet families like Beckie Sue's family, I think that more andmore women will find it desirable, and quite normal, to have a female led family.

As ivementioned before, ive often stopped by friend's houses to see how they are doing.and often the husband is doing the housework,cooking or laundry. I often help him out while we chat.And if my girlfriend is with me, she will often chat witht he wife in theliving room or back deck

And the couples that I know are normal everyday people. They aren't "Kinky".And many of them have children.Who will grow up taking it for granted that Dad does the housework while mom is out with her friends,ect.And as they get older, the sons will probably spend time with dad helping with the housework.And as the daughters get older, they will probably begin to learn how to socialize with mom's female friends.And will take it for granted that her father and brother do the family laundry,ect

BOB said...

I don't think that sons should be treated as "slaves".But I do think that parents would be doing their sons a favor by preparing them for a world where men aren't the center of attention

A young boy today, will very likely grow up to have a female boss.And parents should help their children be ready for such a world

Many community volunteer groups are female dominated.with a female leadership. It would do many boys good, to volunteer with local organisations like that.And get used to taking orders from women.And get used to not being the center of attention

And when a Daughter brings over her girlfriends to the house, the son should be encouraged to help his father prepare food,snacks and drinks for his sister and her female friends. And to help his father quietly serve them

So that he realizes that in many circumstances, he wont be the center of attention.And that in many cases, its alright for the men to be quiet while the women talk

And I don't think that many neighborhood women would find it too strange nowdays if, at a family or neighborhood dinner party, luncheon or cookout, ect a father and son cook and serve food,while the females eat and talk

BOB said...

Tv shows and movies often affect overall culture.And more and more tv shows and movies are being procued by women.and are made for women. So I think that gradualy[overt he next 5-20 years, more and more tv shows showing women in leading roles in their tv families.With the males being more and more in supporting roles


And as women watch these shows, they will more and more get used to the idea of their husbands and sons doing the family housework,ect.

Tv shows like "Sex and the city"."the L Word",ect, changed the way America vieweds ingle women and lesbians. I think that more and more we will see tv shows and movies that change the way we, as a society, view gender roles and gender statuses

And since many shows like to have "sex appeal", I think that more and more tv shows that are aimed at women, will show more scenes with shirtless hunks doing laundry,dishes ,ect. And I think these kind of scenes, not only will appeal to women, but will also cause more women to take charge of their marriages or families

and when mothers and Daughters are watching a tv show where Fathers and sons are shown doing housework,ect. And the women are shown as generally being in charge Many Daughters will probably turn to their mothers and ask

"why cant we have a family like that?

tony said...

Our 'Female Led Household' will soon become a 'Female Led Family' as my teenaged stepdaughter will move in with us next month. Both her Mother and I are excited about this 'household improvement'. As her father and Mother divorced when she was very young, she has been raised by her Mother, Grandmother and older sister. No male presence, no father presence until now. She knows, of course, that her Mother is in charge of her household. Her Mother always has been. Now, with a father figure present, there will be some adjustments, but not too many. She has visited and spent enough time with us over the past 2 years to know that her Mother is my boss too, knows that I am obedient and am trained to serve. My wife and I have discussed how the household will change and how it must be run smoothly. She agrees with Becky Sue that our daughter needs to be taught about family leadership and female power at an early age, so as she grows and matures she will become more comfortable and confident in the ways and manner of leading a family for herself.



To quote Becky Sue: 'A mother is the one who needs to teach her daughters how to lead, what is right, what to expect from men... Daughters lose respect for their fathers when their fathers are bossy to them, when their fathers act better than their mother. A girl’s respect toward her father only grows when she sees how he can be obedient to the ladies in his life.' My wife understands this very well and agrees. She has informed me that she will be verbalizing more in issuing instructions to me, in being encouraging as well as being critical of my performance when necessary. This will be done in our daughter's presence in order to show her how a man is to be kept obedient, managed and supervised. She has also told me that I will be assigned some service responsibilities immediately, but not many initially, as she wants to make sure her daughter learns herself how to keep her room neat, housework chores, etc., so that in time she will be able to help her Mother in supervising my housework.





As Becky Sue says, 'it is the nature of the female ... to direct the men in their lives.' We agree with this, and will help our daughter learn and understand as well. Thank you Becky Sue (and Mark) for sharing your wise thoughts with us. We are very encouraged about the future.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe LS and I'm hers have the nerve to disagree with Mrs. Becky. It is clear that she knows what she is talking about and I wish she would have posted more. I know that this is a male led blog and this type of disagreement would not take place on a woman led blog like Femdim101. Just so you don't think I am incapable of thinking for myself let me explain what Mrs. Becky was saying. Sports are made up of the most egotistical and arrogant men alive believing they are the best but they don't become their best until they conform to the team and learn how to follow the coaches lead. There is not a great coach that was not great at getting a group of men to put self aside and think of the whole. The military is known to be a place where men who could not conform in school went to learn discipline and then they flourish. What Mrs. Becky was saying is that men are at their best when they are obedient therefore we naturally need structure. Yes we stray from doing the right thing when we don't have that authority figure which is why we need our wives. Thank you Mrs Becky and I wish you would make a comeback. I also wish the men on here would read her comments like she was speaking to you because then you would soak up her knowledge instead of being dismissive of it.
Thanks
Beckys Fan

Chloƫ said...

I've found these past several blog entries to be interesting and informative. In the past year, my fiance has taken more of a supporting role in our life together, and just recently referred me to this site, clearly indicating what he would like. Our household has changed so much over the past year, and I love it and him so much. But I find some of the sentiments a little strict. I agree with the comments around the gender dynamic of children, but I am also a woman with a lot of ideals - about justice, and I at first I found this lifestyle a little strange. I still am adjusting my leadership style at home, but I am really thankful there are other households out there, and really, really appreciate the contribution of other women in this! Thanks Beckie Sue.

Anonymous said...

Beckie Sue is awesome. I've read this blog for probably about a year but never posted but Beckie Sue inspires me.

I grew up in a female led family but I don't think my parents realize it. Mom is just the boss. She is mostly super nice but if you don't mind her she will come down on u like a ton of bricks. My older stepsister is kinda the same way.

About six months ago we were having a talk and i kind of admitted that i think men should serve women and my sister totally agreed. Since then we've had our own special relationship when the rest of the family isn't around and sometimes when they are.

Beckie Sue would be very proud. My sister gives me chores to do and decides how much of my paycheck i can spend and how much gets put into my savings account. She can always come into my room w/out knocking. She can discipline me if I make her mad. i always need to be super respectful.

It may sound crazy but it makes both of us super happy. I think it's the way most families should be. Its the Beckie Sue way.

Anonymous said...

very informative, thank you. Loved your post Miss Beckie.

Anonymous said...

Dear Miss Beckie,

Thank you for your post. I am from India. I like serving female kind. However, the society in which i live is very conservative. Though I try my best in serving females at family functions and whenever we group of friends meet.

If it would be alright, I would love to know about the daily routine at your home.

Grumplets said...

This article really struck a cord with me. It is my hope that my comments can offer a little insight into the long-term outcome of an FLR household.

Having been raised in a family of six, 2 boys and 2 girls in addition to my parents, the men did all or many of the chores. The girls just seemed to shrug it off and us boys had to take care of it. My father included. My Mother ran the house but I don’t believe it was FLR by design. We had just been a team or a family. It just seemed to work. Over time, in our teenage years, the girls did not do chores. Only the men did it, washing dishes, cleaning the kitchen, home repairs, etc. We had to be home by a certain time while the girls came home whenever they wanted and so on.

I recall on holiday events when the larger family would come in I would be standing there washing stacks of dishes say on Thanksgiving while they all watched in awe. It never crossed my mind that this was something women did. It had just always been this way from my view. So you Moms out there, you have a very powerful tool at your disposal.

Decades later, I still do all or most of the chores. I would not go as far as to say I always enjoy it, but it is something that I do. My Wife loves me for it. So everyone wins. But now there are sexual overtones to it. Sexual conditioning that has gone on for over 5 years that causes my nether region to tingle when it comes time to do the chores. Even if it makes me boil over in rage I cannot get around the fact that I am so aroused by my Wife scolding me to take care of my obligations. This goes far beyond a sexual fantasy. I have no control over it. I do not believe my Wife full appreciates just how much power she actually has over me.

My upbringing has without a doubt laid a strong foundation for my Wife to build upon.

Anonymous said...

Recently we had a little change of routine at our house.

It was decided that the Daughter of the house was old enough to stay up later. She is a year younger than her brother but he will keep to his bedtime unless he is needed by me to help with chores.

The family is close and say if we are watching the TV together my Wife will just clap her hands and say " Ok boys to bed". Its understood that the Females will stay up.

My son was at first indignant and at having to go to bed earlier than his younger Sister and I must say I was a bit miffed.

But I tried not to show it and undermine my Wife's authority.

We talked it over and I was to be allowed up if I had things to finish. Otherwise it was boys bedtime.

There are groans and plaintive pleas from our son to be able to finish watching a show but he is told that they will record it or find it on other media so that he can watch it when he has more time.

Its a funny feeling at first not being able to stay up as long as a child but I think it sends a very good message to our children about the respective positions of the sexes.

It gives time for the Ladies to be together without males being about to discuss important things.

I hear more and more that my Wife and Daughter have been discussing things and my Wife or Daughter have decided on something.

Sometimes its a common front at other times its made explicit that the younger of the two has decided. Its good training both for Her for when She has to lead a family and also for me and my son on how to be led.

I agree with others here that if things were reversed people would not question it as its been that way in the past. There need not be anything sexual in it at all.

Femsup

Femsup

Mark Remond said...

Femsup, I welcome your comment with a great deal of interest. And I would certainly welcome any additional comments on the topic of female-led families, and would like to propose that perhaps these could become the basis of an occasional guest post. Since Ms. Amanda, Ms. Jenn and Beckie Sue are no longer posting here, or anywhere, to my knowledge, only Kathy's Femdom 101 blog is discussing this topic in an informative manner, and as of this morning her blog is once again vacuumed out.

Anonymous said...

I read this posting on February 06th when it was placed here, and just now specifically looked for it to comment.

The Daytona 500 is being run today as I am writing this, however I am not watching it. Instead I will be leaving shortly to take my daughters to their high school volleyball tournament, and spending the afternoon there offering my support to them, and their team. No NASCAR for me today as my devotion is to my family where it should be.

Conversely my wife will curl up on the couch with a glass of wine, and a book for a quiet afternoon at home by herself where no one can bother her. The television is only on if my wife permits it, and that apparently is not going to be today.

Mark Remond said...

Anonymous just above -
I enjoyed your comment about the Fenale-led family dynamic that you are obviously so much in tune with. I would of course enjoy any more such that you might care to share with the blog readers; and perhaps these could form the basis of future guest postings, if you are agreeable (properly anonymized, of course). You can email me at markremond@gmail.com

BOB said...

Mark Remond
I hope that Femsup and Anonymous both take you up on your offer of a guest post

It would be interesting to see how a real life female led family dealt with every day issues and events

For instance, in the old days, a father and son might enjoy a family vacation fishing.While the women cooked and cleaned the lodge or guest house that they were staying at.

One wonders if women's increasing power has affected how couples and families vacation.?

And whether it has affected what kind of tv shows and movies a family watches?And whether it has affected dinner conversation. Once upon a time, the Son might get most or all of a family's attention during dinner and otherwise, because of his place on the school football team.One wonders if this is being replaced by more attention being paid to the Daughter's academic achievements?

And whether more families are becoming more "Daughter- centric" and less " Son -centric"

Anonymous said...

I would be glad to BOB.

When it comes to the centricity of the children we both put both of them first. Their happiness is central to our family.

We have to make sacrifices for them and we find that there is more scope for me to give things up with the help of my Wife.

I used to eat too many sweet things and now they have been stopped. The ideal that my Wife likes to promote for males is one of being slim and trim and for Women to be rounded and larger.

We both agree that the War On Women has tried to make them thin and weak through dieting and shame about size.

In our family the Women are large and strong and the calories are restricted for we males.

Whether as on most occasions we start to eat after the lasses have started or that we eat at a later time and a smaller portion I think it emphasises the most basic apportionment of power through the apportionment of calories.

The idea that the big lion gets the lions share of the food is challenged in our house. Its the Lionesses that get the Lionesses share.

Femsup

Mark Remond said...

good stuff, femsup!

Anonymous said...

It would be cool to see a more in-depth post on that Femsup. What else does your Wife do to promote those ideals?