One of the obvious points of getting married is formalizing the relationship commitment in front of family, friends, and surrounding society, including its institutions. A commitment that enfolds and protects the nascent family, which is the basic unit of a culture, a civilization.
Which, of course, is because the family protects and nurtures children, and launches them into responsible adulthood. As author George Gilder put it in his book, Men and Marriage (quoted on p. 6 of my book): “Women manipulate male sexual desire in order to teach men the long-term cycles of female sexuality and biology on which civilization is based.”
In some primitive tribes, the man is required to pick up the child he has sired and acknowledge paternity and his commitment to support the child. Without that tightly woven social bond, connecting ejaculation with fatherhood, virile young males remain rogues, functioning as tribal gangs, outside the social compact.
For men and women in wife-worship or wife-led marriages, “going public” can be extremely difficult and socially risky. Most often there is no surrounding social structure of friends, family, and sympathetic institutions to sanction a role-reversal union, a lack that is sorely lamented by most FLR couples.
As Au876 wrote on Lady Misato’s original Wife Worship forum several years back, “Deep down (and maybe not so deep) I think all of us want others to know about our devotion to our wives. That is why we like this forum, we are free to tell someone else. It excites us to have others know. Maybe someday it will become a more accepted lifestyle.” Indeed, most of us are proud of serving our wonderful wives and wish we could tell the world of the joy and fulfillment this lifestyle brings us.
To take baby steps in that direction, more and more FLR couples seem to be renewing their marriage vows, this time with the wife pledging to “love, cherish and guide” and the husband to “love, honor, worship and obey,” or variations thereof. While these marriage renewals are often intimate, private ceremonies, many of the participants would welcome an opportunity to make their affirmations as public declarations, with pride and joy and appropriate fanfare.
And some are doing exactly that.
22 comments:
I think Woman Worship all together is simply beautiful. To the men who sincerely worship women the term "idolatry" is not applicable. She is your everthing and owns all of you, your being, your body and yes, your soul. She is your everything!
Anon -- Amen to that. It is definitely a destination that beckons to me... still far-off... and yet, each step toward "going public" is thrilling. Nor do I fear being an idolator of my beloved. She is, as you so rightly say, my everything. How can I "underplay" that?
My wife and I have recently started to explore this new lifestyle of female led marriage. We are both enjoying it and are making plans to move so we can live the life openly without "scarring those that know us very well". This week she has taken a trip to investigate future living arrangements etc... When she gets back she said she would tell her best friend from work. I am about to lose it. I can't wait to hear all the details of the conversation and to see her friend for the first time after she knows my wife has full control over all aspects of my life. This is a very powerful feeling that I never thought of when we started this lifestyle.
Dear stevelt,
I have to say that I truly envy you. There are many of us in wife-led marriages who secretly yearn to take this step, “going public,” acknowledging our wife’s leadership in the marriage, really sealing the deal. It is definitely one of those “no going back” “point of no return” steps, which I’m going to be posting about in the near future.
The closest that I have come to “going public” so far is when my wife agreed to let me give a copy of my book to one of her “girlfriends,” a woman who was between relationships. The woman was surprised when I said it was my book – “Who is Mark Remond?” she asked. “He’s me,” I said. (Yes, it’s a pen name… I’m not quite ready to go public, or maybe my family isn’t ready for me to do so.) Later that day, when my wife and I were watching our son’s Little League game, the woman called my wife on her cell and I could tell she was talking about the book. The call lasted 5 or 10 minutes, and afterward my wife said her friend absolutely loved the book, and was surprised that it was full of revelations.
I felt then exactly as you describe, steve: “I can't wait to hear all the details of the conversation and to see her friend for the first time after she knows my wife has full control over all aspects of my life.”
Alas for me, the woman married and moved away, and presently there is no one who knows the truth about us, and about my worshipful subservience to my wife. Of course, family and friends know who is the boss, and the decision-maker, etc., but it’s not quite the same thing.
And, of course, I and others like me envy you this further step that your wife contemplates, moving to a location where you can live your lifestyle openly and fully. Congratulations!
Postscript to stevielt:
stevie--
I hope that you will keep me posted on your adventure into FLR-land! I can't wait to hear more!
Well today is the day!!!! My wife is having lunch with her best friend from work today and we are both excited. She is telling her about our new wife led marriage. We had a wonderful session last night where she told me what she was going to tell her friend and what she thought her friend would say. I can't wait till tonight to hear about the actual conversation and what her friends response was. My wife has control over all aspects of my life, her friend is going to be so jealous of her. I bet she tries to do the same with her boyfriend. I will keep you posted!!
stevielt, It doesn't get any better than that! At least in my case, it didn't, though I'm still hoping. But I have had the delicious experience of knowing my wife and her best friend (a most attractive lady) were discussing my book and wife-worship and what it all means. That lady has now moved far out of our orbit, but I hope my wife will find other confidantes... and, yes, I can't wait to hear the sequel, stevielt.
Don't be so concerned what others think or know about you and your wife's relationship. Allow for some mystery and cherish your privacy. Your marriage should be sacred, not an open book, and certainly not to potential rivals of your wife.
Mark, your fawning comments about the attractiveness of your wife's 'best friend' deserve a smart smack in the face. This is how women find their 'best friend' ran off with their hubby. It takes two, and you are using your wife to open the door. The girlfriends have no place in your marriage. You seem to be the one opening the door and peaking out hopefully, prodding your wife to expose you.
I suggest you examine yourself honestly. Your looking for another woman's reaction is to use your wife in a most unsavory manner, and it is dangerous to your relationship. You are being silly and naive. Women are fearsomely competitive, and they can be devious, but you are being dishonest and devious, too.
You need to protect your wife from the envious machinations of other women, not encourage volatile intrigue and fantasy on your own behalf.
Women like to test, to see if you would find them attractive, if they could conquer you - and your wife. It is the nature of women, survival of the prettiest. There is no loyalty among women, much less so than between male friends, or even acquaintances.
You think you can control all this. Wouldn't you be surprised if a jealous woman/former best friend began sabotaging your wife socially and even professionally over this because of your immaturity and desire to exhibit yourself like a prize cow?
A knight does not do this. A knight is honorable and stalwart. He keeps his castle (his relationship). He is humble, not narcissistic and exhibitionistic in his loving service to his Lady.
He does not open windows, throw down ropes for the enemy to climb up and seek to ravish him or steal him away like he is a rare flower, a delicate violet. You need to fix your hysterical petticoat attitudes which is NOT what being a submissive husband, a loving an stalwart knight, a good man, and a real man, is about.
You must be blind where other women are concerned. They are the enemy, that which can bring your marriage, and wife's happiness to an end. There is one woman who is all women, and that is your Wife.
Women brought down to squabbling over a 'submissive male in a thong with serving platter' is in the end no different than women brought down to squabbling over an a macho alpha male. You should NEVER put your wife in that position over you by your actions and design. It is to demean her.
SHE is the prize, not you. You are a prize, only if you honor her above all others, and that can be done without alerting the neighborhood watch.
Humility... Look back at that painting on your book/blog. There is no knightliness without humility.
It is always easier for men to 'pull' women when they are seen by other women to be in a relationship, chosen by a good woman, so do not exploit your position at your wives' expense.
A woman wants a virile warrior who loves her with unswerving vigor and virility in her service, not a flouncing prat seeking the approval, envy, and desire of her women friends and acquaintances. You must be an invulnerable fortress to make your marriage as such. You must give them nothing.
Silence is golden. No wringing of lace handkerchiefs and getting the vapors over what some other woman in your wife's midst thinks of your 'delicious plight'. It's unbecoming. Stiff upper lip, men. The panting, swooning, and groveling is for your Lady only.
Good luck.
Anonymous, I FEEL like I just got a "smart smack in the face." Well delivered, Anon. I'm still in shock.
I'm pleased, and may you be a better man for it. :)
I like your blog, and will add your book to my library sometime.
My wife Sarah and I have recently adopted this lifestyle and I have to say I really recommend it. I regularly worship Sarah each day and am utterly committed to serving her.
We will soon be renewing our vows and I will very publicly be vowing to obey and worship her. Although I am nervous Sarah is everything to me and it feels so wonderfully natural to worship and obey her.
John, What a wonderful and loving comment! So simple and yet it reveals so much, including a man who has the courage of his submissive convictions. I honor you, and it would be inspiring to hear more about your relationship with your "everything," Sarah, and how it grew, and how she is helping you overcome your nervousness and "go public." Also, of course, it would be inspiring to me and many others, I bet, if you would be willing to post (or email me) a report about your public renewal of your vows and how it went. My own renewal of my wedding vows also contained the phrase "I vow to love, honor worship and obey you for all the days of my life," but it was said in a very private moment. The idea of saying these words publicly would certainly make me "nervous," too, but it would be a grand thing to do.
I have been in this for 16 years... soon after the first date I was kissing her feet and the rest is history. She runs our finances. I have a large list of chores..although chores is a negative word...I love doing laundry and dishes. I spend $20 allowance on personal needs, play no golf, do only things for the kids sake and totally enjoy going with her on shopping expeditions. She got me in one of her hobby groups where I'm the only guy. I watch her shows and have really pulled away from sports. I not only feel like a servant; I feel like I'm an extension of her, an extension of her identity because she truly, truly owns me. I don't sense it's wrong and it frustrates me that this would be "socially unacceptable." Truth is, I'd put my love for my wife up against anyone's in an era where so much spousal abuse goes on. Real men worship their wives just a step behind their maker!
And the more you get into this you realize the argument about the wife being right in everything and when she's not she still is because she has her reasons makes perfect sense. Surrendering totally also means mindwise and I've found that her might is the most beautiful thing, as well as her heart!
Anonymous, you and John Harvey (comment above) have both inspired me to rededicate myself to go even deeper into this wonderful lifestyle--to become, as you so lovingly term it, "an extension of her." Whenever I seem to settle for less than complete devotion to her, or lose some of my motivation, it is like a lifeline back into where I belong to read shared testimonies like these recent ones from you and John Harvey. If you would care to share anything else about your life with your owner, from time to time, feel free to email me at markremond@yahoo.com. Like you, I feel that loving submission to a wise and wonderful wife is the way to go, and something to be proud of, and to share with other husbands, and anyone else. Thank you so much for posting.
Is there a "retreat" where couples like us can go and not feel the social stigma of acceptance?
By the way, we changed my middle and last name to hers....weird huh? Just got back from spending my allowance on clothes for her and she handed me down her oversized t-shirts. I don't mind at all. We've talked about taking this message out there and having seminars for other interested couples...I've definitely found my calling and as you know, once you've got a sense of calling, life can be fruitful!
Anonymous - I think everyone living in a wife-led marriage or female-led relationship will be fortified to learn that you and your wife are seriously thinking about conducting seminars for those interested in this wonderful lifestyle. I hope you keep me posted by comment or email. Maybe I can talk my wife into attending with me! I believe Emily and Ken Addison of Around Your Finger do conduct FLR-type couples seminars, or have done. There are references to wife-led, goddess worshipping support groups under the auspices of the Unitarian Universalist Church mentioned in some of the posts I republished from the old Spousechat message board. One class was taught by a couple, but the husband's role was to keep silent. The only other example that comes to mind was "Nancy and Dennis," who apparently conducted exactly the kind of seminars you are discussing. You can read about it in my blog post, "Where Have You Gone, Nancy and Dennis?" http://worshippingyourwife.blogspot.com/2008/08/where-have-you-gone-nancy-and-dennis.html
Again, goodluck, goddess-speed and do keep us posted!
My Wife and I have grown into an FLR lifestyle over a long 10 year period. It began mostly because I lacked discipline and direction...I was a spoiled only child. We've both changed over time, and for us it was a change for the better. Now, she makes the decisions, gets the attention, issues the rewards, sets the restrictions, and determines the discipline. We prefer to remain private about our lives but my wife's younger sister knows the arrangement; which she finds rather intriguing now; she initially told my wife 'really, he lets you do that?." My wife and I are happy and truly love the arrangement.
Anonymous, Welcome to the fold. When will the truth of this secret to a happy marriage spread far and wide? I have yet to read of a couple really giving a wife-led marriage a fair try and reporting back that it stinks! Always, always, or so it seems, positive things happen, and they wonder, why doesn't everybody do this!
I am an Alpha female in a marriage of 24 years. Although I am quite sure that many would never understand, nor try to understand this perfectly, female run relationship, ours is perfect. I know my husband loves me. He shows me every day with his actions, not the usual obligatory gifts that other husbands purchase with bitterness. In return, I show him my love and adoration as well. Although our methods are unconventional, they clearly work.
I want to renew my wedding vows with my wife and to do so I want to propose to her all over again. The first time was not very romantic as I did it in bed.
Any suggestions for a romantic proposal? Actually, I was hoping she would propose to me this time, but that hasnn't happened.
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