Wednesday, April 23, 2008
The Power Transfer
Those involved in “alternate lifestyles” sometimes refer to a “power transfer”—the process of imbalancing or tipping the relationship dynamics in favor of one partner over the other.
In FLRs, or female-led relationships, the transfer is done in favor of the woman. And, since we’re clearly talking about consensual relationships, that means the man has voluntarily ceded some of his power or authority over to the woman, to create an imbalance that both partners may find stimulating.
“Right now I am really feeling her power over me.”
The quote is from Au876, one of the mainstays of Lady Misato’s original husbands’ forum on Yahoo. He goes on: “Guess I better go iron her blouse and maybe find some surprise chore to complete that she will notice.”
This shows the kind of provocative imbalance that can exist between worshipped wife and worshipping husband, another aspect of the queen-knight paradigm. The queen has merely to enter the room and her knight-courtier is instantly alert to serve her in some way.
But Au876 was quite clear that he had, at some point, given that power to his wife. And just as clear that he liked it that way, and didn’t want it back.
“Our relationship just sorta evolved,” he explained. “At one time my wife did everything and I did nothing. I am not even sure how it evolved, but today it is almost completely reversed. It really makes me feel good to be, say, fixing her dinner while she is watching TV or napping or reading the paper. The doing of it makes me feel good, and the fact that I am doing it for her makes me feel good.”
But why would that be?
Why wouldn’t a husband prefer to sit back, watch the Game on TV and have his wife cater to him?
Why not indeed?
Because Au was endlessly courting his wife, day after day. That was the life he lived, and chose to live. The Power Exchange makes little sense without that. With the added element of daily courtship, it makes perfect sense.
The suitor grants the object of his affections power over him, awaits her verdict on his feverish hopes and dreams. He is perfectly transparent to her in his adoration, while she is veiled in regal mystery. While he awaits her verdict, he does everything he can to please her, to cater to her and curry favor.
Courtship is Power Exchange, instilling a kind of giddy daily bliss in certain men, a courtship that never ends.