Eager to show your wife that her word is your command? Well, in all likelihood, she has issued many commands in the past that you have let slide. Perhaps because they were disguised as polite requests or even vague wishes.
Fdhousehusband, who writes the highly trafficked blog, Her Househusband’s Life, describes how he finally realized this in his own marriage, and what a dramatic impact it had on him, and them:
“i found that i was actually hindering the growth of [my Wife’s] dominant side. When She would say that a light bulb was out or that there was laundry in the washer that needed to be hung up, i sometimes was too lazy to comply right away. i found that each of these actions undermined Her dominance and She would revert back to O/our old relationship. i also learned that Females speak in a diferent language. When They want something done, They don't come out and say it. In the early days, my Wife would say something like, ‘My carpooler went home early so I'll be taking the bus home today.’ i just accepted that like She was giving me a bit of information. What She really was saying was ‘I need you to pick me up from work.’ Once i understood the Female language, i learned to respond by saying things like ‘May i pick You up from work today?’ i found that She really responded to these ‘offers’ to do things for Her which She in fact had prompted with subtle ‘requests.’ i also think that it showed Her that i was really listening to everything She was saying.”
Let’s apply this seasoned advice from fd. Why not take a few moments, or as long as you need, to draw up a list of tasks that your wife has expressed even a casual interest in getting taken care of… or items she would like to have (not big-ticket items, I’m not suggesting you spend big bucks without her authorization).
Not directives, but things that were perhaps dropped into the conversation in your hearing that you let slide.
Then start to work on the list, doing or buying or taking care of as many items as you can. If you do this, maybe you could let me know here, in Comment form, if your Wife notices, and what the upshot is, in terms of your FLR. Positive, we hope.
By the way, I’m going to take my own — and fdhousehuband’s — advice as soon as I post this and start drafting my own list, going room by room, for starters. Oh, and next time I hear her express some vague desire, I’m going to add it to my list -- as a command!
11 comments:
While I haven't done the room-by-room honey-do list, I have started to listen for those subtle "requests" and treating them as commands -- even if its requests for me to take care of myself
For example, I hate taking naps, I feel like it wastes a good chunk of the day, but a few weeks ago I was sick, hadn't slept well the night before and was so exhausted as to be worthless... she suggested I take a nap that day while she took the kids out so that I would be able to stay awake for a party that night... so I did.
I've noticed that in the last few months I'm picking up on more and more of these subtle commands and its been very positive for her dominance.
I started doing this early on... carrying a little notebook and jotting down things my wife mentioned. When asked, I told her it was my "honey-do notebook". She loved it - and later replaced my little notebook with a bigger one. And then, last year, for our anniversary, she gave me a hardbacked Honey-Do Notebook. :)
enoch - I love your idea! I think I may start doing that too, I think it would help a lot (my honey-do list tends to stay in my head, unless she writes it down for me, but I know my memory isn't perfect)
hersforever & enoch, I, too, like the notebook idea, because my short-term memory is very selective -- I can remember a few things I'm interested in, like my son's baseball game times and venues, ditto for his practices.
I think I'd better start cleaning up the residue of undone jobs, all those hints and mild directives she's give me in the past before I make a show of writing new ones down. Then I can produce the notebook...
Except for today, which is a dedicated honey-do day, getting ready for a party for my daughter, who is graduating from 8th grade. Today I definitely need for her to write down my assignments, so I can check 'em off, or I'll write 'em down.
I usually write down her comments into my notebook... but occasionally she will take the notebook from me and add stuff directly to it! ;)
This reminds me of a tradition in the Marine Corps called "the CO's wishes". Commanding Officers learn to be careful what they say... if a battalion commander casually mentions to his Sergeant-Major that the hedges outside the battalion office needs sprucing up, you can bet that within 10 minutes there will be a working party of Marines pulled from their regular duties to do some gardening.
Enoch, I'm going to strive to emulate that. The trick for me is NOT to spring into galvanic action, but just to get the job done, maybe when she's not looking. That way she gets accustomed to having her whims and wishes carried out like imperial edicts, but without having me making a show of instant obedience.
There'll be times for that, too, but I have to pick and choose.
After what seemed to me like a long time of taking on every chore I could and trying to anticipate,sometimes with great success my wifes needs,wants and whims.But I found myself frustrated whenever my priorities turned out not to be my wifes priorities.And so I asked her to detail for me what my chores should be and exactly how she wanted them done.I also asked her to help me understand her personal needs better,her desires for any service that would make her life easier.To my surprise she was delighted to hear this and soon gave me a long list of chores that from then on would be my resposibility.As well as a talk about how best to serve her personal needs.Now she does only what she wants to do,while I'm doing the housework and waiting on her.Our FLR has finally come out of the closet and we are both extremely happy living out our proper gender roles.
I purchased a small notebook last night while running other errands for my wife. When I got home, I laid the notebook on the coffee table and she asked what the notebook was for. I said it's the honey-do notebook and explained it. You should have seen the smile on her face.
Burnsie, Anonymous, Enoch, et al, Okay, I'm convinced. I'm buying that notebook and presenting it to her, exactly as you have done. I want to see that smile.
I know this is a very old post but I thought I'd share...
After (re)reading this the other day, I too started my own honey-do list on an as of yet unused notepad in the back of my day planner; it works well because I can dedicate it to the honey-do's and it is always with me. I quickly nearly filled a page with things my wife has been wanting done and I keep putting off; I'll admit the first item was something I had done that morning so that I could immediately check something off. The next day my wife and I were at home and I did something else I had on the list. I showed my wife my work (moving a mirror hanging on the wall) and when she gave her approval that it was as she wanted, I said "good, I can check it off my list." She asked, "you have a list?" I told her I did and showed it too her, crossing off the item. She got quite excited and imediately said "cool, I may need to add some things to it."
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