That’s the title of Chapter 2 of my book. It’s directed to husbands, and, of course, “her” refers to “wife.” I could have said, “Making Her Your Fantasy — Again.” The way she was during courtship, and the honeymoon. Until the glamour wore off somehow.
The point being, wives can regain that fantasy status. Because, to quote myself, “Men need sexual fantasy. It's the highest-octane fuel they can burn. They do idealize womanhood. They do empedestal their girlfriends.”
Men are going to have those perpetual adolescent fantasies about some female or other. So shouldn’t it be the woman we’re married to, instead of Angelina Jolie or Scarlett Johansson or Jessica Simpson or whoever?
I know, guys think they can’t control the sexual fantasy process. But, in fact, they can. If they want to, and are will to make an effort for a glorious payoff.
The first step – stop masturbating. Easier preached than practiced, of course. I spent most of a chapter on the topic, and it’s certainly more than I can deal with in this post. But, cutting to the chase, as I wrote…
“Once I stopped siphoning off the fuel needed for the marital combustion chambers, my sexual fantasies automatically refocused on my wife. She suddenly regained the status she possessed during courtship—seductress, enchantress. The creature to be pursued and won, again and again…
“I began thinking about her a lot. Daydreaming about her. Tripping out on tactile replays of her morning embrace, recalling the warm smell of her hair, the salty taste of her skin. She went, in the words of another song, from being ‘gentle on my mind’ to being very intrusive. In fact, I was thinking about her all the time. What I wasn't thinking about, or lusting after, were glamourized images of other females. Those had vaporized.’”
A commenter to this blog had the same experience when he stopped self-pleasuring. “Suddenly my wife looked really good to me,” he wrote, “and I began what I could easily be called courting (I developed a crush on her -- never thought I would feel that again)… Our sex life now is the best it has been since before we were married.”
A dominant wife explains how it operates on her husband, referring to a photo of some glamorous actress: “I have to admit girls, this young and beautiful woman on the left is what I would like to look like. Once a long, long time ago, I kinda looked like her, but even in my 20's, I didn't look as good. Now, I'm in my 50's and gravity is winning more and more every day.... But in the eyes and mind of my husband, I am FAR, FAR, superior to this beautiful young lady, because to him, I am his Goddess and his Queen, I am beautiful in his mind and eyes and he shows it to me EVERY Minute of EVERY day.”
Once this begins happening to a husband, he can actively encourage the process, and he will find himself living with a fantasy figure.
Or, to quote my favorite bit of advice on this topic, “If you want your wife to be a goddess, worship her.”
8 comments:
I can tell you for a fact that quiting masturbation does indeed work. My wife and I have been together for 19 years, and since I stopped (and got rid of all the porn) our sex life has been the best. The teasing, the flirting, the cuddling, the orgasms! WOW!
Yes, I did get rid of all porn, electronic and paper. I deleted all bookmarks, broke all CDs in half, and recycled all of the magazines. I bet the recycling guys loved to find those mags in the bin.
Been there, done that. In fact, embarrassingly enough, more than once! I once codified this precept: "Unshared pleasures becomes private vices." It certainly holds true for me.
There must be millions of these collections squirreled away on hard disks, flash drives, CDs, etc., now that porn of every stripe is so easily available online. And I had my share...
Now, I confess, I still have a small collection of images that glorify femininity that I use for the blog, but which I need not hide from my wife. In fact, I want her to know how much I worship the female form, first and foremost hers!
My wife commented that we have been having more and better sex over the past two months than we have had over the past several years.
It's important to remember that we are currently in a 'stealth' FLA.
I told her that I haven't been looking at any porn for almost three months. That I got rid of all of it. That she is the only woman that I desire and fantasize about. The smile I got from her, as she was putting on the strap-on was priceless!
because I enjoy both your web site and writing style, I have just purchased your book. I look forward to holding it in my hands and reading it while in my favorite chair.
burnsie,
Of course, I'm delighted that you enjoy the blog enough to buy the book. And I hope you like it, and, even more, that you feel that it might warrant being passed along to your wife... and she likes it! That's what it's really for... to "clinch the deal," by framing the whole thing in romantic, courtship terms.
But, truly, a "stealth FLR" with strap-on play?
mark
Yeppers, a 'stealth' FLR even with strap-on play. The reason it's 'stealth' is because there is no formal acknowledgment between us. She is not aware of FLR as a lifestyle/movement and I only became aware of it when I began a search for a new, high quality toy. Toys have always been part of our sex life.
I am about 2 years late with this post, but I may as well put my two cents in.....
About 2 months ago I quit masturbating. Sort of by accident. Before that it wasn't unusual for me to masturbate every day for weeks on end (kids can kill a sex life quickly and we were down to once a week on a good week). It also wasn't unusual for me to be short tempered and easily angered towards her.
One long weekend I was horny and she promised me sex during the weekend, so I didn't masturbate, and she made me wait the whole weekend, and boy I was on my best behaviour the whole weekend. And then I realised, this is the man she married, not the one who snapped for no reason. So I never masturbated again and after 2 months she agreed to start as a FLR.
I look at her and feel like I did when we were courting. I have even had erotic dreams about her, and I rarely ever have erotic dreams.
ep - This sounds extremely familiar, but a useful reminder about what this life is all about. And I can relate to kids putting the kibosh on the sex life. Just when I'm ready to give my wife a loving footrub on my knees is when my son calls out for me to read him to sleep...
It's reassuring to read that my own experience is not an aberration. Thanks for your comments, and keep 'em up.
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