Sunday, April 14, 2013


Note: Nancy and Dennis are taking a brief break from guest-posting here, but are expected back shortly (and are greatly missed). In the interim, here is a reprise from the first post I did about them back on Aug. 13, 2008 -- before I was able to connect with them via email and ask them to be guest bloggers.

As you will note, Dennis was the nominal author of these brief excerpts from some of their posts on the old Yahoo “Venus on Top Discussion Board” (precursor of the "She Makes the Rules DiscussionBoard"). I enjoy his writing, but I was certainly delighted that Nancy has asserted her primacy in the more recent posts appearing here.

What struck me from the first, however, was that here was  a couple who, by their own description, not only advocated but evangelized for female-led relationships, and did so effectively and unapologetically. -- Mark Remond

Their "Backstory"
“Nancy and I have been in a female-led situation for over 25 years, Nancy is in charge of our household.
She manages our finances, makes all major decisions, and sets our social agenda. Nancy's mother, Sue, lives with us and I defer to her as I would Nancy…

“[But] while both Nancy and her mother can be quick-tempered, ours is not a BDSM relationship, nor am I going about the house teetering on heels with a feather duster when doing housework. Ours is a pragmatic relationship with a variety of house rules and expectations where my opinions are valued and considered. In the end, of course, we all recognize that women will be making the final decisions!”

“Nancy and I met in college – at a NOW meeting no less – and hit it off quickly; Nancy assumed a leadership role right from the start and that role continues to this day. Over the years she's taken more power. She's the financial manager and decision maker who is focused on her career. I, on the other hand, do the majority of the housework and am generally supportive of Nancy's career and personal goals.
Socially, we enjoy the company of other couples who, like us, are in varying degrees of female-led relationships.”

“We work at a local women's center where we conduct workshops aimed at getting wom
en to be more assertive in their personal relationships… We offer them practical tips for taking control, the first of which is for women to take control of the finances.”

“We are evangelists for female-dominated relationships and want to encourage more couples to embark on them. We advise women to take control of their relationships and do so by becoming more demanding of their men. These three points -- money, housework, and social life -- emerge as the big ones.
“What women want, in our experience, is some say in the finances, a man who'll bear his share of the housework, and a man that she can share social activities with. In our view women can't have too much control of these important relationship elements.”

FLR = Harmony & Happiness

“Nancy and I do have differences of opinion but my opinion is sought and considered, although we all recognize that within our relationship women will be making the final decision and, once made, that decision is final.”

“Our opinion is that female-led relationships have fewer issues and problems than vanilla ones, but this assumes that an FLR is a total commitment, not just a game. It also assumes benevolence on the part of the woman making the decisions in that relationship.”

“As a man I can tell you that I like knowing exactly what my wife wants and when and how she wants it done. No conflict; no arguments. And I can tell you that most men really do want to make their wives happy.”

Financial Control

“Nancy and I teach that managing finances is critical to a woman's leading a relationship. [Women] might want to enhance [their] skills in this area by seeking a skilled financial planner and/or taking some workshops. Women's organizations such as NOW and the YWCA are good places to start for such resources.”

“I'm embarrassed to say that I was quite the spendthrift early in our marriage and spending money and not able to account for it, so Nancy put her foot down and initiated some pretty strict rules. She took away my debit card, limited how much money I could have with me at any one time – I was spending WAY too much at work buying coffee, lunches, and so on for too many people, too often.
“Her rules include limiting me to an allowance (albeit a generous one), requiring direct depositing of my paychecks, her having access to my company savings and benefits plans, limiting my use of bank and credit cards, and requiring justification of all card charges.

“How I spend my allowance is up to me but I've made a habit of asking Nancy's opinion on larger purchases. I can request (extra funds] but there are almost always conditions attached. Having to ask for money is a tremendous statement of who is in control. We are now financially solid as a result of her controls.”

House Rules

“We have a number of practical house rules that we've established over the years, mostly things that have
just evolved from practice as opposed to being dictates from my wife. Discipline is rare; I understand her expectations and, for the most part, meet them…We are friends with other couples in similar situations – households where the men realize the innate superiority of the women and defer to them.”
Power Exchange

“[Women shouldn’t] feel guilty about using power. Men derive tremendous benefits from an FLR so women should use the power they derive from such a relationship and seek more of it…
“In our evangelization of this lifestyle we frequently cite our own and the experiences of couples we know in FLR situations. All are extremely happy and wouldn't want it any other way. But it takes specifics to get things rolling one small step at a time. Once the lifestyle has momentum though, our experience is
that he'll be doing more, offering more power on his own.”


Anonymous said...

I hope this is OK to say outloud. Why is it no good blogs post anymore? Ms. Kathy hasn't for a week, this blog is recycling old stuff, Eve's Rib long dead, coming gynarchy long dead, her majesty's plaything kinda doing something but no big deal, and that leaves the whole femdom non-porn non-full-of-picture blogs in English almost dead. I hate to complain because you could be like "so you blog, shut up!" but my concern is not me blogging or not... it0s the world has 7 or 8 billion people and none of them are serious Femdom bloggers at least this week (and at least in English), you could say me included but... that's not the point!!!!!

I'm-Hers said...

Dennis, I'm assuming you wrote this so my comment is to you. I really appreciated this post. Yes it is recycled but regardless I enjoyed it for the 'matter of factness' of your relationship with Nancy. It's simple and straight forward - she's in charge, she decides, she dictates and you adjust to meet her needs and work to serve her - period.

I think the world of potential women that are considering D/s with their husbands need to read this because it is devoid of all the extraneous kink that so many aren't interested in anyway.

For me, reading something that you wrote five years ago, provided perspective to the posts that you and Nancy have written over the past several months. Thanks!

Obedient husband said...

If I did maintain a blog, sniveling whiners would more than likely influence me to quit. Good blogs are not a right and nobody owes their readers a steady supply of fodder when there is no monetary compensation for their time and energy.

Anonymous said...


I owe you an apology. Sorry for being a brat instead of appreciating you. Will you forgive me? Please. I really, really mean it from inside. We all make mistakes, I did it yesterday when I posted that. It was rude, senseless and not the kind of post that I would like to represent me. Besides, your so called "recycled post" (I'm making fun of the stupid thing I said, not of you) is, as "I'm Hers" points out a very good opportunity to see your blog in a new light after all these years. I'm not saying it had to be for me not to act like I did though. Again, a real apology to you and to Nancy too.

Nancy and Dennis said...

I'm Hers -
I don't write without my wife's review and approval, but, yes, I did write this post and we're glad that you liked it. We have a loving but female-in-charge relationship and it works very well for us. We feel others would enjoy and benefit from a similar relationship. We are advocates for such relationships as well as for women being empowered in a broader sense.


Nancy and Dennis said...

Anonymous("I hope this is OK to say outloud") -

When one is trying to balance career, a marriage, and work supporting various women's causes, it's hard to write a blog every day - or with any regularity - especially when responses are so few - or so negative. A blog is a place to exchange information and comments, not simply a place to be entertained. I've mentioned two other postings but I'll have to rethink where I put my priorities after that.


WSY said...

Dennis, I enjoyed reading this older post and really appreciate how you and Nancy evangelize for FLRs. I think it can be such a positive, rewarding thing for a man to submit to a woman's leadership and control at home, and more men and women need to see how well it can work. I'm looking for the right woman to develop an FLR with, and stories like yours are an inspiration. Thanks for sharing.


Kathy said...

For what it is worth I will put my two cents into these comments.

It does take time to do a blog and there are times when the words to express your self do not come.

The postings by Miss Nancy, her husband and Mark advocate a very different approach to femdom relationships than Femdom 101,yet I very much enjoy reading what they have to say.

My personal feeling is that most men would be happier if they spent more time doing housework, and less time playing on the computer.

A part of the problem with a blog is that it becomes addictive for some men. The intent of Femdom 101
was a non sexual look at the life of one couple in a femdom relatisnhip. Yet, as non sexual as the blog was intended, it still has a way of 'turning men on'. Why, I don't know.

What I beleive is that blogs like
Worshipping Your Wife and Femdom 101 are like porn for some men.
They become depended on having a daily dose of Mistress Nancy or Miss Kathy. If it dosen't come for one reason or the other they become upset.

My point is that there are men who should be looking toward thier wife or their mistress for true contentment are instead focusing
thier attentions on an internet blog.

There are times when a blog may be helpful to a relationhip, but it can never take the place of ture female authoirty in a man's life.
Men who do not have these relationships are constantly seeking some type of substitute.
In many cases it is blogs like Femdom 101 or WYW. The problem, of course, is that these blogs always leave a man wanting more.


Nancy and Dennis said...


We think it's easy and beneficial to get involved in a FLR. Things go so smoothly with a woman in charge since she knows and sets the right priorities. Nancy is always telling me to listen - and she's right - listen to what women are saying and then act on what you hear. Any woman can and is the 'right woman' as far as an FLR is concerned. Start small by relieving her of some of the drudgery of housework, ask where she wants to go and what she wants to do and then do it. If you keep deferring to her she'll assume more and more of the leadership and that's a good thing for everyone.


WSY said...


Thanks for the feedback. However, in my own experience I haven't found it easy to get involved in an FLR. I've met quite a few women who would get irritated if a man acted like he couldn't lead or make decisions. Sadly, too many women find the FLR concept a little weird. So I continue to look for women who are a little more enlightened in their mindset.


Nancy and Dennis said...


What are you doing here, going up to a woman and asking if she wants to take the lead in a relationship? No wonder you're not getting results! A female-led relationship evolves over time, and it develops as the man defers to her more often as things move forward.

And what type of women are you looking for? In our experience educated women, women who increasingly outearn their man are more likely to be predisposed to taking charge in a relationship. A woman who is largely dependent on a man isn't likely to take charge of anything. It's one of the reasons we are so active in women's issues and want to see women economically empowered - power is money you know...

And finally, what kind of man are you? Are you a man that a woman would find attractive? If not, you're not going anywhere. Educated women look for and get great men and they get their way with them. Women don't have to 'settle' for anything anymore - we call it "having it all".


Anonymous said...

Actually reading blogs such as this one and Femdom 101 get me more excited to serve and obey Wife/Mistress. She usually lets me on the computer early in the evening and then summons me to bed after I have been placed in a more compliant mood by reading the doings of power Women to their males. And I most respectfully disagree with Ms. Kathy's comment about Her blog being non-sexual. Serving a Woman is always sexual. When I am walking down the aisle of a supermarket because Mistress sent me out for groceries I can psychologically feel Her firm hand on my behind, even if She is home relaxing while I shop. Life is sexual. The great failing of the patriarchy is that it attempted to control the inate sexual power of the Female by shunting sex into small compartments. When my Female Boss at work gives me an order I get excited. When I hold the door because I see a powerfully built Woman in a business suit following me I get a rush.

Nancy and Dennis said...

Kathy -

I always enjoy Kathy's comments and am very glad to hear a woman's perspective. And, yes, a blog takes a lot of work and is sometimes difficult to write. I get irritated when someone comments that I am not writing enough or writing often enough. My purpose isn't to entertain men, it's to inspire others into the lifestyle and - occasionally - get some comments and inputs that I can use in my relationship. Bloggers or not, we can all learn something.

Kathy certainly makes a point that I agree with and that's that men should be focusing on serving the woman in their lives as opposed to focusing on a blog - she'll certainly give him much more focus and fulfillment than any blog can. If my husband were making many of the comments that I see on this and other blogs, I'd cut off his access to the Internet.

Our focus is on empowering women and enlightening men as to the many options they have, now that women are gaining more power at home and in the workplace. Of course, women have always had that power if they simply used it; I know of female-led marriages that go back to the '60s.