Tuesday, April 30, 2013


Women we know who are in a female-led relationship have commented that it’s important to exercise control over their man’s friends and social activities. Those whom he associates with outside the home can have a detrimental effect on a woman’s efforts to run the household.
  • A woman should be aware of who her husband is associating with and what they are doing. Peer pressure can have a very bad influence on even the best of men, and women need to intervene. A woman should prohibit her man from associating with bellicose men who are potential bad influences.
Ladies, consider that you’ve done a lot of work training him, so don’t let that good work be undone by a few out-of-control men.

Friends can have a positive influence on your man, as well. Encourage him to associate with men you deem appropriate. If his friends are docile and obey their wives, it will be that much easier for him to do so. Men love being “one of the guys”; make sure your man is “one of the guys” cleaning house, doing ironing and obeying his wife.

  • Women might establish a network—yes, networking again, but it’s effective!—with the wives of their man’s friends. These women are no doubt interested in keeping tabs on things, and this is a great way to do it. When men know that their wives talk, they’re less likely to misbehave.
  • We don’t advise that men be allowed outside activities unless supervised, at least in the early stages of an FLR. If such a “men’s night out” is allowed, women should be aware of who will be involved, what they will be doing and when their man will return. Men’s night out should be planned with the wives of other attendees, and the women should insist on a full account of what took place when their men return.

Of course, men’s night out (or “boys’ night out”) should be an infrequent occurrence. Such events are a burden to women and keep men from doing things they should be doing.

At least in the early stages of an FLR, many men adhere to a code of silence when it comes to reporting on what other men do or say. Your man should realize that he has an obligation to you and to other women to report on activities when the guys get together. If your man doesn’t, then he’s just as guilty as the ones who misbehave and should be subject to appropriate discipline.

Progressive gentlemen who are in an FLR will be only too happy to be involved in your network. Such men naturally lose interest in “guy” activities but are happy to continue attending them to keep an eye on things for the women. Dennis and his friend, Tom, dislike male activities, find them juvenile and boring, but they get satisfaction from helping women keep control.

A number of women we’ve spoken with forbid their husbands going out for extended periods or on weekend trips. We’ve heard numerous horror stories of men going to hunting or fishing “lodges” where very little hunting or fishing—but lots of drinking and carousing—takes place. Generally any non-business overnight trips are bad news and should be avoided.
  • If men want to go on an overnight trip, why not consider having at least one or two of the wives accompany them to keep tabs on things; men do need a chaperone! If they don’t want women along, then you’ve got to wonder what they were planning. Permission to take the trip—DENIED!
  • Insist that your man participate in some of your activities. Have him attend the theater, the ballet, and movies of your choosing. He should be accompanying you on shopping trips and to fashion shows and associating with you and your friends. They’re going to be much better influences on him than many of his friends who’ve yet to shake off the prejudicial thinking of patriarchy. Dennis loves being invited to “Girl’s Night Out,” a weekly event that includes mother, four of our women friends, and the occasional progressive gentlemen or two. It is an evening for women, so we call the shots as to what we’re going to do and if we want men along. We are under no obligation. Guys being invited to Girl’s Night Out is a real privilege that’s earned, not lightly granted.
Consider involving him in volunteer work at a local charity or Women’s Center. The less idle time he has, the better. His volunteering time for a Woman’s Center or feminist group has an added advantage. Not only will he be productively occupied, but he’ll typically be working with assertive women—good role models! Dennis has been working with a local women’s group for years. Every Wednesday is his day to go to the center and do whatever they need done. It could be cleaning up, making copies, filing or doing computer work. Since he’s a manager at his company, on occasion he conducts career courses for women; courses such as “interview skills,” “computer basics,” etc. Many of these workshops are aimed at women re-entering the workforce. And, of course, there are workshops aimed at encouraging women to be more assertive in their relationships with men, whether in the workplace or at home.



Anonymous said...

Interesting stuff, as usual.

For my wife, the first consideration is that her nights out come first. If we have a clash of dates, of course, I don't go anywhere. If there is no such clash, I'm permitted to go more or less where I please, as long as I'm back by a designated time.

I don't think that my wife would ever want me out on a girls' night out with her, however generous she was feeling. On the other hand, she does frequently have girls' nights in - here, I am expected to cook the meal, clear away and the like, but am waved away from all rooms where the girls are having their conversations.

Basically, I am told to regard my evenings out as a privilege, emphatically not a right, to be granted or withheld as my wife sees fit, depending on how she views my recent behaviour. They are one of many disciplinary cards in her pack.

Anonymous said...

I recently discovered this site and am reading the latest entry. I have to go back and start from the beginning, but something strikes me:
This site advocates controlling a man's association with other men, training him to do (or avoid) certain activities, and advocates having him monitored by his wife or other women, as though he were not an adult with moral integrity, but rather a child who can be misled or worse-- an animal prone to exhibit unacceptable behavior.
It seems a given that men need to be controlled be their women, or they will automatically become chauvinistic aborigines.
Am I correct in concluding this basic premise in the above? Are men considered to be by nature lacking a moral code, but need to be trained to be obedient?


Nancy and Dennis said...

For Anonymous (about Boys' and Girls' Nights Out):

Thank you for your post. You seem to have a workable situation. In some ways it's similar to what dennis and I have. dennis' night-out privileges are at my discretion. I grant privileges and I can take them away as punishment or they can be put aside due to other priorities; for example, if he's behind on housekeeping, then he has to sacrifice his personal time or night out - or both - to get caught up.

Now I don't mind my husband going out with me and my friends, but it depends on the activity; sometimes we just don't want men around and other times we enjoy the company of our husbands. When we have the girls into my home, dennis' participation is one of service, although he may participate in other ways as the ladies deem appropriate.

One of the basic tenets of an FLR is that she grants privileges but she can also take them away as she see fit. And taking away night-out privileges as punishment is one that I use with my husband, one of, as you say, "many disciplinary cards" that I have.


Anonymous said...

This is an excellent post. The only problem I have is that I can't understand why a man in a FLR would even want to associate with men. He should be learning new habits and past times such as going to movies with his wife, attending the ballet, learning how to knit/sew, gardening, and spending time with his wife's friends (women)when they choose to allow him to...

Anonymous said...

I would not want to be away from my love for a day let alone two or more and vice versa.

To be in the company of all males especially patriarchal ones would be abhorrent and anathema to me.

I much prefer to be in the company of Womyn and am often the only male.

If we are to progress as a community the Female-Led community then we must support our Womyn in enjoying going to events and venues of their choosing and if we have to associate with males let them be submissive ones.


Anonymous said...

Nancy has not answered Anonymous, who asks if she considers men to be children lacking any moral code. I want to say, from one male’s point of view, that when I look for a woman to partner with I look for one who is more intelligent, successful, ambitious, and dominant than I am. These characteristics are what attract me sexually and in other ways to a woman. Once in a relationship I don’t want equality with her. I want her leadership, her judgment, and discipline. That doesn’t mean I have no will, but I DO look to her for decision making ability and overall guidance. She can help mold my moral sense away from patriarchal values.

I don’t believe women and men are equal in many things except in ultimate worth. Men need women’s leadership, but women don’t need men’s leadership. Men get pleasure from serving women, but women don’t get pleasure from serving men, but mainly from being served by men and by leading them. Once the patriarchal mindset is dismantled, I think this truth is what we will be left with.

I love this post by Nancy. If my wife doesn’t want me to go on a boy’s night out, I trust her judgment over mine. That’s why I agreed to be her husband. I respect her decisions and support her leadership 100%


Anonymous said...

Great post.. In my case since the start of our WLR my wife has my free time already planned for me. My weekends and nights are scheduled with chores or any projects that she wants.By chance if we do get caught up there is always something she will have me do for our kids. If there happens to be a family event when the guys go off to do something she will have me stay and watch the grandkids which works out great. We love are relationship and it has brought us much closer than ever.

Anonymous said...

My husband never went out much, even before our relationship. So it is not much of a discussion. When he does go out of the house, he he mostly there to accompany me.

Nancy and Dennis said...

Anonymous ("We love our relationship...") -

Your last line is what it's all about; loving your relationship and being closer as a couple. Good luck!


Nancy and Dennis said...

Anonymous ("I respect her decisions...") -

Well, thank you! Now I don't have to answer - you echo my thoughts and have done so elegantly.


Nancy and Dennis said...

Anonymous ("Femsup") -

Progressive gentlemen prefer the company of women and enjoy socializing with them... Progressive gentlemen DO NOT REFER TO WOMEN AS WOMYN. You've been warned.


Nancy and Dennis said...

Anonymous ("why associate with men?") -

Men, progressive ones anyway, don't mind associating with men who have similar interests and lifestyles; my husband loves socializing with my women friends' husbands because they have so much in common and because the wives approve of their socializing. Of course, nights out for them aren't sports bars and beers but, rather, going to the mall to look for new curtains. Judging by my husband, progressive gentlemen abhor dealing with patriarchal men but do so when business demands it or because of their duty to women.

In business situations my husband has to associate with patriarchal men but doing so gives him an opportunity to advocate for women. My husband will also attend certain male 'nights out' just to see what is going on and to report back to the women. He's helped many women rein in their men and move them towards a better lifestyle. And, incidentally, the men 'converted' this way have no regrets.


Mark Remond said...

If I may briefly add my 2 cents worth... I agree with Ms. Nancy when she writes: "Men, progressive ones anyway, don't mind associating with men who have similar interests and lifestyles..."

In fact, I have been strengthened in my Wife-Led Marriage by the support of several submissive husbands with whom I correspond regularly by email. I confess that we share our submissive thoughts and yearnings with one another and, as I say, encourage one another to be show complete obedience and devoted service to our superior wives.

I wish I could occasionally meet my "progressive" and submissive "e-migos" face to face, but, alas, it has not been possible.

Anonymous said...

My apologies for using the Female Supremacist version of Women twas not intentional and just came out.

I loved the post by LS and it sums up succinctly our needs as submissive males for women to lead us.

I wish we could meet too Mark Redmond as we have corresponded in the past. I too like to find that empathy in other males who acknowledge there natural yearnings. Who want to encourage and support each other in making our service better for our well betters.


Obedient husband said...

I too, have never had much interest in the things commonly adored by the stereotypical patriarchal male.
Even in high school, as a boy, I signed up and took "Home Economics"..... which boys rarely did. I figured it would be an easy 'A' and would put me more in the presence of those mysterious and wonderful creatures often referred to as girls. I was right.
Having grown up and now well into middle age, I'm no different. I have no use for football or nascar and my wife controls the remote and chooses the movie.... without fail. I've always been a runner and it's been great to see so many women taking up the lifestyle. It's not really uncommon for a road race to be comprised of 50% women and that is simply good for everybody. (I've yet to hear a man complain).

Back to the point..... I would very much enjoy socializing with another FLR couple provided our personalities meshed and my wife WANTED to socialize with them.

Robert said...

I have only rarely associated with male friends since I decided to tell them that I am completely devoted to and in adoration of my wife. I think my revelation made them nervous. I don't miss the companionship, rather I enjoy the company of my wife's friends, both male and female. She makes my happiness complete; I owe her everything and trust her guidance. What else could I possibly need or desire?

Mark Remond said...

Robert - what a sweet and devoted testimonial!

Anonymous said...

I have to disagree with much of what is written. I am in a real FLR and not the stuff you find posted on the internet that are either written by men to live out their fantasy or men pretending to be women. Yes, there are a lot of them out there.

For some reason when you reverse the traditional male led relationship, it becomes a D/S situation. Why? Before we embraced a FLR I did not treat my wife as a slave. My decisions mostly took her happiness into consideration.

Now that she is in charge, I am not her slave nor does she want me to be. We lead a normal life with the exception that she has final say if we cannot agree on things. She usually asks my opinion as I used to do with her. Perhaps the biggest differences are that I no longer can waste money on expensive boy toys and went from doing no housework to doing about 25% of it.

I also do not get what the woman needs to control 100% of the man and even deny him orgasms for extended periods of time. That seems to be a common male fantasy but not so much fun in real life. I tried it for a week and that was too long for me. What it came down to was that my wife liked making me reach orgasm so that is what we do often. Once in a while when she wants to orgasm but is tired, she will just have me orally please her and then go to bed. Perhaps that happens once or twice a week but she takes care of me the next day whether she orgasms or not. Let's remember that just because we switched roles, we did not throw our mutual love an respect away.

The kind of FLR I often read about on websites is better described as a D/S relationship. It definitely is not a reversal of the tradition male in charge role. Nothing wrong with a D/s relationship but they are not a numerous as you may be led to think. Most exist in the mind of horny men.

I have been married for over 41 years and our FLR marriage has worked great for us. I am viewed by other men as an alpha male and most will defer to me when I raise my voice or give a certain look. My younger days were spent in a gang, lots of street fights and military combat in Vietnam. My face has a few scars that give me a menacing look. I do not consider the fact that I feel that my wife is more qualified to run our lives to have anything to do with my manhood. I only defer to her authority and no other women. I have no wish to be anyone's slave. I just like to be free of making lots of decisions at work and at home. Even before we entered into a FLR I always tried to make decisions that took my wife's interest into consideration. I was not a Master to her Slave as I am not a slave to her Mistress. It works for us and I am not putting down anyone else's relationship but merely want to let people know that a FLR does not have to be a D/S. master/slave relationship. That is a sexual thing and not a relationship one.

Mark Remond said...

Anonymous (just above), thank you for giving us more than a glimpse into a loving female-led relationship!