Faithful
reader “Tony” (commenting on dennis’ Gift Suggestions for the Domesticated Man): “Some
of us keep our WLM quiet confidential; while others, like ALL HERS and dennis,
are not shy about revealing their wife’s power and control. For myself, this
has been a gradual experience of sharing with others. I look at it as
educational as well. The more other women see and observe the manner in which I
show my respect to my Wife and serve Her, the more they want to learn ‘Her
secret.’ We are discreet, but some in her family know, her daughters know, and
they have been present when I have had to kneel to listen and to properly give
thanks for Her attention and criticism. A few of Her female work associates also
know, and two have begun to impose WLM rules at home. It’s a slow process, but
worthwhile and helpful to others to see and learn.”
dennis
responds:
Thank
you for your wonderful response, tony. You beautifully articulate so many good
points. Revealing Female authority, or “coming out” with a Female Led Rrelationship,
is indeed very important for a number of reasons, a few of which you have cited.
As you say, revealing the Wife’s authority is indeed “a slow process, but
worthwhile and helpful to others to see and learn.”
Couples
are different and so reveal the Wife’s authority in different ways – some
earlier in the relationship and some later. What is important is that Her
authority is revealed in a timely manner to an ever-widening group of family,
close friends, work associates, and so on. This, we find from our workshops,
serves to solidify the couple’s relationship and encourages others who, as you
say, “want to learn Her secret.”
Nancy
and i have conducted workshops, usually for Women who’ve made a decision to
pursue an FLR. A few things we’ve learned about coming out with Female
authority:
It’s never too early to divulge the nature
of a relationship.
She may want to immediately confide in Her Mother, Sister, Aunt, or Girlfriends
and ask their advice on establishing the rituals and courtesies so important to
an FLR. These Women will not only help the new Head of Household but will
spread the word about the couple’s situation through the family and beyond.
This is important since it sets expectations when family and friends socialize
with the couple.
She should have rules, work
responsibilities, and rituals that She can put in place the moment the couple
agrees on an FLR.
This serves to formalize Her authority and provide the husband with ways of
acknowledging that authority. His wearing an apron, kneeling in front of Her,
bowing, curtsies, kissing Her hand on demand, addressing Her as Ma’am, are all
devices that can be used. She should make it clear to him that behaviors She
prescribes are 24/7, no matter who may be visiting.
Some Women have used a variation on the “at
home” announcements
that a new Bride often uses to communicate Her new address. In the case of an
FLR She may elect to use a small announcement card to inform friends and family
that She is now Head of Household. It will get conversations going and allow
Her to bring family and friends into their new situation. Examples of such
announcements we’ve seen are elegant, even regal!
Revealing Her authority isn’t just for the
home; it has to take place in public situations, too. These should be unobtrusive
but convey an unmistakable message. For example, he takes Her arm and walks
slightly behind Her, She orders for him at a restaurant, She selects the wine,
She tells, not asks, etc. Additionally he should show other Women the same
deference and respect that he shows his Wife, addressing them as Ma’am, and so
on.
After he’s been initiated into the new
realities of an FLR have a “coming out party” for him. Invite a few
friends who are aware of your relationship. It will provide him and opportunity
to serve and your guests an opportunity to learn.
An effective way of revealing Her authority
is for him to ask for her permission – “Yes, i’d love to have a drink after
work, let me call my Wife to see if it’s OK.” Women will love you for such a
response; men will be knocked off their feet! This is one to be used when you
want to turn in your “man card,” publicly embrace your Wife’s authority, or
renounce patriarchy.
Eventually
men in an FLR get to the point where they are very comfortable with revealing
Womanly authority and have no compunction about doing so.
–d
22 comments:
My wife has told several of her golfing buddies of our WLM. Naturally, they love the idea and have started their own . Last summer while at a backyard bar b que the women were all discussing their tennis and golf games, and setting up matches for the week. Their husbands, 4 of us, were discussing the best floor steamers on the market and how they perform. How things have changed! And for the best.
I have no trouble discussing our WLM with another woman. When I was in the cooking class with 3 women, they began asking me questions as to why I was there, etc. I told them my wife and I have a WLM and it went from there. Wow, were they interested in knowing all of the details on how it works. One woman asked if my wife withholds sex , and I went into a little about being kept in chastity for long periods. That they loved. I did mention that I own a chastity device, but barely have to wear it because I obey my wife. I told them to check this great blog, and they did. Have not seen them since , but I am sure one day I will meet one of them. My wife would not be too happy though knowing I discussed our lifestyle with other women without her present. It would lead to some severe punishments.
Every time I visit the mall I see a few couples where the woman is in charge. It's easy to notice just by looking at their body language; he's always following her around as she enjoys shopping, carrying her bags. His attention is always on her, ready to recieve orders and instructions, but she doesn't pay much attention to him as she shops... It's exciting to see more and more people adopting this power dynamic and lifestyle; such behavior in public helps it spread even faster!
I really enjoyed this post.
It is a pleasure to take my wife shopping. We will leave late morning and she will try a large store first. Her routine is I must stay 6 feet behind her so as not to obstruct her view. I may not speak unless spoken to. And I must carry all possible try ones. Many times a sales lady will come up to her and say, "may I take these items from him", and she will say, "no, that is why he is here with me". Older sales lady's smile and have immediately figured out our lifestyle. Some will say, "how did you train him so well?". My wife smiles and says, "it was very easy".
Then I will take her to a nice restaurant for lunch with a glass of wine. Then off to some more stores, and perhaps a stop at Starbucks. Then we come home around 4 or 5, and my wife says her feet and legs are tired from all the shopping. I immediately get out the lotion and then she lays on the bed. I put a large towel under her legs and feet and I will wash them gently with a warm washcloth. Then I will massage her feet and legs for at least 30 minutes while she relaxes.
It is a perfect day serving my wife. She sometimes says to me, "you have been so good lately, I am going to allow you to take me shopping tomorrow". I will give her my opinion of something when asked. When she feels wicked, she will tell me to come into the dressing room with her while she tries on her clothes. A treat to see her strip down to bra and panties, and she knows it. But I may never touch without permission, which is not given frequently .
"In the case of an FLR She may elect to use a small announcement card to inform friends and family that She is now Head of Household. It will get conversations going and allow Her to bring family and friends into their new situation. Examples of such announcements we’ve seen are elegant, even regal!"
Great. Does anyone have an example of some wording? Is it something like "Ms and Mr Jane Brown wish to announce their new address ..."?
Eric W.
Were are these workshops located or how does she attend or get info on them?
Anonymous just above, dennis has answered this several times. he does not wish to reveal his identity or locality, and can only say that these FLR workshops conducted by Nancy and him are occasional, not regularly scheduled, and available by invitation only.
dennis responds to eust:
i loved your post and you're so right! your description made me wonder whether you'd seen Nancy and me at the mall!
In Nancy's family men have long since been taught how to behave when in company of a Woman at the mall, or any public place. It seems to come naturally to progressive gentlemen though. i always follow Her - and usually Her Mother, too - around the mall carrying packages; with them, but walking a step or two behind; focused on them, as they make their way through the shops, just waiting to be told to do something or handed another package to carry.
We sometime encounter many couples we know where he's following behind, carrying Her purchases. When we meet, we men know to remain a step or two from, but behind, their Wife. Nancy expects me to politely greet the other Woman, "Hello, Ms Jones", with a slight bow, immediately stepping back and standing quietly. The conversation may last seconds, it may last a half an hour - but at no time am i to interrupt or act restless, nor am i to EVER put down the bags that i'm carrying. Usually the Women are totally oblivious to the men. Even though i may know the Woman's husband, i remain silent unless given permission to speak, usually with only a hand motion, something that rarely occurs. Even if such permission is granted, i make only brief small talk since i'd rather listen to the Women's conversation. Nancy will often involve me in the conversation with a pithy question, more to keep me focused as opposed to seriously soliciting my opinion; "Isn't that right, dennis?" - "Yes, Ma'am!"
And you are correct in your assessment that "It's exciting to see more and more people adopting this power dynamic and lifestyle; such behavior in public helps it spread even faster!" The more couples who see such a dynamic can't help but being curious about the lifestyle and, who knows? They may adopt it for themselves.
d
I don't think I would feel comfortable with my husband placing women in the level that only I should be in, though. Maybe women in my family, but outside the family? I don't know about that. That should be a special respect reserved especially for his wife. :)
To ALL HERS,
The women in your cooking class asked about your wife withholding sex, do they also ask if you have a half open marriage?
-Greg
To Anon
I am not sure what you mean by a half open marriage. The women in the class had asked me why I was here and not my wife. I told them outright that I prepare most meals. Then they asked about housework and I answered truthfully that I do all of it as well as laundry and ironing. And that we have a WLM as our lifestyle. Well, that really got them interested . They all wanted to know how she accomplished that. I did refer them to this blog, and the next week they had a lot of questions for me.
One woman asked if my wife also has control in the bedroom and determines if and when there will be any sex. Yes, I answered. And she followed up by asking if my wife denies me to keep me more attentive. Of course I said, and she seldom allows me sex more than 3 or 4 times a year. But she gets plenty of oral from me. I did not want to go into more details, except to say that on many occasions I wear a chastity device..
My wife does get her orgasms when she wants only from me. She does not care for penetrative sex since she has entered menopause, but loves her vibrators and oral sex. When she does allow me an orgasm, she rubs me thru my panties . I have not been allowed to,enter her in over 2 years. She now finds it hurts and is too messy for her.. Plus she says it is not something for a submissive to do, entering his dominant wife.
Hope that possibly answers your question.
To ALL HERS
Yes, that answered my question. A half open marriage is when the man takes a vow of obedience and fidelity but the wife does not take those same vows.
- Greg
Thanks. Thought that what is was, but not sure.
i'm wondering if there is some type of online group where members could absorb these doctrines. i don't want to get into a religious war, but i would be looking for being a learning member of a group that promotes Female Supremacy, i'm open to cult like practices. And i'd be more interested on real life Female dominants or couples than of an online Dominatrix.
Any references to something like this?
Thank You!
Hi,
If there WERE a group like that we'd all be on it. You can try Second Life, they have Future Femdom there but aside from that who knows? (hint:apparently not Google).
dennis responds to Khorina:
No on-line group that we have or are aware of. We favor an approach of 'think global - act local'. That is, work with interested coupes within our geographic area and inspire others to do the same in their locales. As far as doctrines are concerned they can be anything one wants, from minimal to elaborate, it all depends on what works for a couple.
d
i enjoy explaining to others why our mailbox at home says, "Home of Ms. and Mr. Jenny James". The more i can explain to others how normal it is for U/us, the more accepted a WLM will be and more WLM's will come out in the open.
lilteddyjames
Hi,
Sorry for this question, it's really out of interest and not to annoy you. About the captcha...
Has a robot ever tried posting on your site?
Anonymous, as a matter of fact, there have been an annoying number of spam postings on this site over the years, each of which I had to delete by hand. Hence the annoying turnstile of Captcha required now. Sorry!
No 2015 posts? :-(
My wife (dom) and I started this lifestyle about 3 months ago. Finding information on this site is great. While some are comfortable with friends we are not sure how to get there. I am sure my friends are wondering if something is different. How have others spilled the beans? I am sure some have no issues with this but we need advise on how to get there.
dennis responds to Anonymous just above:
Thanks so much for your post and a warm welcome to a wonderful lifestyle!
We'd advise that you move gradually although we know that many couples want to get news of their Female-led lifestyle out there. Small steps are easier to communicate on your part and they are easier to accept on the part of your friends. If, for example, your Wife has you performing a regimen of housework then casually bring that up in conversation. She might drop hints such as mentioning in conversation that She told you to do a task as opposed to asking you to do something. If you have visitors and are responsible for kitchen clean up then by all means do your assigned work no matter who's present; you can explain that cleaning the kitchen is your job. If your Wife requires you ask permission to deviate from your normal routine, for example, going out with co-workers after work, then by all means make it known that you have to ask your Wife's permission...
Your Wife will likely be able to spread the news of your new lifestyle easier than you can. Keep in mind that men in our patriarchal society looks down on men taking orders from Women, but Women look upon Women giving orders to men in a very positive light.
Be subtle. In public you should allow Her to lead the way, select the wine at dinner. And She should never ask; rather, She should tell, even when you're away from home. Over time word of your new arrangement will get out and be accepted; if 'friends' don't accept it then they're not likely to be friends long nor are they likely to be the friends you want anyway. In a Female-led marriage you, the man, are likely to gain a new set of friends many of whom are also in various stages of an FLR. My personal situation was exactly this - male friends drifted away as a result of Nancy and my relationship but i gained an entire new set of friends who respect and even envy our lifestyle choice...
Hope this helps but if you have any other questions or comments, please let us know AND make sure that you do reveal your lifestyle choice to your friends, relatives, and co-workers - your doing so will not only benefit you but it will also encourage others to consider the lifestyle.
d
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